Ten Father-Daughter Lies

Source: allertonman/shutterstock

Our beliefs about dads—even when those beliefs are false—have a profound impact on our father-daughter relationships. And this is why we need to trash those beliefs that are based on myths, lies, and stereotypes. Here are 10 that belong on the top of the trash heap.

1. Dads usually shirk their childcare responsibilities, taking unfair advantage of their wives.
2. Men are less interested than women in spending time with their children.
3. Fathers have less impact on their daughters than mothers do.
4. Compared to moms, dads are much less empathic, communicative, and cooperative.
5. Children always form a stronger, more primary bond to their mothers than to fathers.
6. Men do not have an instinct for parenting like women do.
7. Most dads are satisfied with the amount of time they spend with their kids.
8. Most divorced dads refuse to pay their child support.
9. Dads are less stressed than moms trying to balance work and family.
10. Dads disapprove more than moms of their daughter being sexually active.

Not one of these beliefs is true, according to recent research on these topics. I have explained this research in detail in my two most recent books. In a nutshell, here are the facts:

• Couples commonly agree together that dad will earn about two-thirds of the money while mom does about two-thirds of the childcare while the kids are young.
• Most men want to spend more time with their kids and less time at work. Indeed, many dads are just as stressed as moms trying to balance work and family because men’s jobs often require more hours at work and are less family-friendly.
• Dads can have as much impact as moms, including when it comes to the daughter’s relationships with men and her self-esteem.
• Most dads are not more uptight or disapproving than moms are about their daughter’s sexuality. Very few parents were virgins when they married and very few want or expect their daughters to be either.

If we hold these beliefs, we are making it more difficult for dads and daughters to have the kind of relaxed, open, emotionally honest relationship they might otherwise have had. After all, what daughter will feel comfortable going to her dad for advice or sharing anything personal with him if she already believes that men are not as empathic as women or that dads are not that interested in their daughters’ lives? So take out your emotional trash can and throw out those beliefs that are holding you back from having a more fulfilling father-daughter relationship.