Unmasking With ADHD

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Have you ever felt like you’re performing a version of yourself that isn’t quite real? Like you have to constantly suppress your natural impulses just to fit in? If so, you might be engaging in ADHD masking—a survival strategy that many people with ADHD use without even realizing it.

What Is ADHD Masking?

ADHD masking, also called “impression management” or “camouflaging,” happens when someone with ADHD consciously or unconsciously hides their symptoms to appear more “neurotypical.” It’s a way to fit in, avoid stigma, and meet societal expectations, but over time, it can become exhausting and even harmful.

Psychologist Russell Barkley first introduced the concept, suggesting that about one-third of people with ADHD engage in masking. While it can sometimes be useful—like in professional or academic settings—chronic masking often leads to burnout, anxiety, and delayed diagnosis.

Examples of ADHD Masking

Masking doesn’t always look the same for everyone, but here are some common ways people with ADHD might hide their struggles:

• Forcing calmness to hide hyperactivity, even when feeling restless inside
• Obsessively checking belongings to avoid losing things
• Mimicking social behavior to avoid standing out
• Over-focusing on tasks to compensate for distractibility
• Suppressing stimming behaviors (like leg bouncing) to avoid seeming “disruptive”
• Perfectionism and overworking to compensate for perceived shortcomings
• Bottling up emotions until they become overwhelming

Over time, these coping mechanisms can lead to chronic stress, emotional exhaustion, and even mental health struggles like anxiety or depression.

Why ADHD Masking Can Be Harmful

Masking can help people with ADHD navigate environments that aren’t built for neurodivergent brains, but it also has serious downsides, such as:

• Delayed diagnosis — If you’re too good at hiding your symptoms, you may not even realize you have ADHD until later in life.
• Emotional exhaustion — Constantly suppressing your natural tendencies takes a lot of energy.
• Identity confusion — When you’re always acting how you think you “should,” it can be hard to know who you truly are.
• Increased anxiety and depression — Hiding struggles instead of addressing them can make mental health issues worse.

Breaking Free: Co-Regulation Before Self-Regulation

One of the biggest challenges for people with ADHD is emotional regulation. Instead of immediately working on self-regulation, it’s helpful to first practice co-regulation—which means learning to regulate emotions with the help of another person.

Here are three simple tools for co-regulation:

1. Pause and Observe — When frustration hits, imagine your negative thoughts as a train arriving at a station. You don’t have to board that train—just acknowledge its presence and let it pass.
2. Breathe Before You React — Try diaphragmatic breathing (deep belly breaths) to calm your body before responding to a stressful situation.
3. Focus on Positives — Shift your perspective by recognizing small wins, past successes, and the strengths that come with ADHD.

By practicing these techniques, you can start shifting from masking your struggles to managing them in a way that feels authentic.

The Path to Unmasking

If ADHD masking has been a big part of your life, know that unmasking is a gradual process. It’s about creating environments where you feel safe enough to show up as your true self—whether that’s in your personal life, workplace, or community.

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You don’t have to do it alone. Connecting with others who understand ADHD, working with a coach, or joining a support group can help you build confidence in embracing who you really are.

The first step? Awareness. Once you recognize masking in your life, you can begin making small changes to live more authentically—without the exhaustion.

Watch my YouTube video for more insights on ADHD masking and practical strategies to break free from it.