Are You Concerned About Your Partner's Fidelity?

Healing is just one conversation away—it all starts with communication.

Posted May 17, 2019

Do You Think Your Mate Is Cheating?

With the rise of women in the workforce and the popularity of shows like Cheaters, along with the hundreds of stories about people reconnecting with their high school sweethearts through Facebook, it’s no wonder there is more insecurity as well as infidelity going on.

Suspicions about infidelity can be caused by your mate’s cell phone ringing in the middle of the night. It was most likely a wrong number, but you can’t get the idea out of your head that it might be “another person.” Some of this may come from other places than the media; your own feelings are a common source.

If your partner is spending hours on the computer and taking their phone with them everywhere (even into the bathroom) and isn’t as demonstrative or communicative, that can also make you wonder if something isn’t going on.

If things aren’t going great in your relationship, most everyone looks for the reasons. And if the spark has faded, and neither of you are doing anything about it, partners wonder how their mate is dealing with this dry spell. A lack of sex in your primary relationship, though very common, gives rise to the question, “Are they getting it someplace else?”

One of the best things you can do in a situation like this is to talk about it together. Ask those tough questions and admit to your insecurity. Get on the same page and reassure each other. Unfortunately, if the one you share your bed with is unwilling to have this conversation, it will only give rise to greater suspicion. At that point you may need to discuss things with a counselor.

It is also wise for the unwilling person to consider that if he or she doesn’t want to communicate and secure their relationship with you, the next person their mate talks with could be a lawyer. So you are better off having the conversation, no matter how difficult.

If you have facts, phone numbers, e-mails, etc., you need to give your mate a chance to explain and to come clean if they have strayed. It does not mean the end of your relationship, but it does mean that some serious work needs to be done.

People cheat for different reasons, and they may still be in love with their partners at the time. Sex, addiction, personal insecurity, and payback are just some of the reasons both men and women have extramarital affairs. None of them are good, but they do need to be understood in order for the two of you to get back on a positive path.

It all starts with communication. I know it’s a scary subject to bring up, and it all may be coming from your imagination. Please get clarity before you put yourself through the agony, and if you do find out that your mate is playing around, get serious, tell him or her how you feel, and make an appointment with a qualified therapist. There can be a lot of life left in your relationship—go find it.