Verified by 
Key points
- Life’s setbacks can shake our sense of self, but they can also open doors to personal growth.
- Post-traumatic growth is about finding strength and purpose in the face of adversity.
- Redefining goals and building resilience can lead to a more intentional, fulfilling life.
Life doesn’t always go as planned. Setbacks, loss, illness, or personal challenges can make us feel vulnerable and unsure about the future. These experiences may shake our sense of self and leave us questioning what life is all about. Yet even in hardship there’s potential for growth. This process, known as post-traumatic growth (PTG), is about finding new strength and purpose in the face of adversity. Whether it’s struggles with fertility, career setbacks, or other personal difficulties, PTG offers hope for everyone.
Psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun (2004) describe PTG as positive change after dealing with trauma. PTG isn’t about ignoring pain but finding strength within it. That growth can look like:
- A new appreciation for life
- Stronger relationships
- Increased resilience
- Fresh goals or a new outlook
- Spiritual or personal growth
PTG is about moving forward with a new sense of self, shaped by what we’ve gone through. This kind of growth doesn’t depend on a specific event but on how we process and find meaning in our challenges.
The Role of Possible and Feared Selves
To understand PTG, it helps to consider the concepts of possible and feared selves, introduced by psychologists Hazel Markus and Paula Nurius (1986). Our possible self represents our hopes and dreams: who we want to become. Our feared self, on the other hand, represents our anxieties and what we want to avoid becoming. These two visions shape how we move through life.
When things are going well, we usually focus on our possible self—whether that’s a career goal, a meaningful relationship, or becoming a parent. But when we face setbacks, the feared self can start to take over. For example, someone dealing with fertility struggles may fear a future without children, and a person who loses a job might worry about their financial future.
Although painful, this tension between hopes and fears can lead to growth. Facing our fears helps us redefine who we are and find strength we didn’t know we had.
When Fear Feels Overwhelming
During tough times, our feared self can feel all too real. For those facing infertility, the fear of never having children can grow with each setback. For someone dealing with job loss, the fear of a future without stability may seem overwhelming.
These fears often create a deep sense of isolation, especially when others don’t understand the emotional weight of our struggles. However, confronting these fears can turn them into steppingstones for resilience.
Turning Hardship Into Growth
Here’s how this can happen:
1. Reframe the Feared Self as Strength. One way to foster PTG is by shifting how we see our feared self. Instead of viewing it as a sign of failure, we can see it as an opportunity to build resilience.
Take Clara and John, a couple that spent years trying to conceive without success. Every failed treatment brought their feared self—a life without children—closer. Over time, they reframed their struggle as proof of their strength. They stopped seeing their journey as a failure and started seeing it as a testament to their resilience. The key is to truly embrace and identify with the reframe.
2. Expand the Vision of the Possible Self. Trauma often forces us to rethink our goals. While it can be painful, it also opens new paths. After some time, Clara and John began to explore a child-free life. They broadened their vision of a fulfilling life to include things they hadn’t considered before, realizing that happiness didn’t have to depend on becoming parents.
Expanding our possible self allows us to adapt and find meaning in new ways, helping us explore other ways to live well (Zoellner & Maercker, 2006).
3. Build Stronger Relationships. Hard times often deepen our connections with others. Going through trauma reminds us of the value of support, and research shows that social support is essential for PTG. It helps us process difficult emotions and strengthens our relationships (Zoellner & Maercker, 2006). By opening up and sharing our struggles, we can create deeper, more meaningful connections.
4. Create a New Life Story. When we redefine our life story, it helps to see trauma not merely as an obstacle that made us “stronger” but as a teacher of insights that we would not have otherwise gained. Trauma can reveal our deepest values, show us what we genuinely care about, and bring clarity to our true priorities. This perspective makes the new life story not just about resilience but about insight—a map of what’s meaningful based on the lessons hardship has revealed.
For example, instead of focusing solely on “what doesn’t break us makes us stronger,” PTG encourages us to look at how challenges reshape our worldview, our relationships, and even our ambitions. This kind of growth goes beyond toughness; it’s about becoming more authentically ourselves.
Resilience in PTG
The integration isn’t immediate, and it can take time to fully accept and embody the insights gained from hardship. Journaling, meditation, or therapy can support this process by providing spaces to reflect on the impact of these experiences, helping to create a new narrative that feels true and empowering.
Life’s unpredictability means we’ll all face challenges. Post-traumatic growth reminds us that these hard moments can be transformative. When adversity feels heavy, remember that growth isn’t about forgetting pain but finding wisdom and strength within it. With resilience, hope, and commitment, we can build a life that reflects the strength we’ve gained through every challenge.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
References
Markus, H., & Nurius, P. (1986). Possible selves. American Psychologist, 41(9), 954-969.
Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic growth: Conceptual foundations and empirical evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1-18.
Zoellner, T., & Maercker, A. (2006). Posttraumatic growth in clinical psychology—A critical review and introduction of a two-component model. Clinical Psychology Review, 26(5), 626-653.
