Anxiety Is Love With a Mask

Like many, throughout my life, I have come to blows with anxiety. For much of that time, anxiety may well have earned the title of "enemy number one" in my life. I felt trapped in its waves of panic and discomfort. I tried a cornucopia of remedies to banish it — deep breathing, lavender oil, mindfulness, thought logs, and dressing like a more laid-back person.

Yet, I discovered that to rid myself of anxiety, I might need to rid myself of a central piece of who I am. We worry because we care. I love deeply and experience sharp intuition. No way did I wish to remove those things from myself.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) has demonstrated efficacy in treating a variety of anxiety-related challenges, including decreasing worry more significantly than CBT in one study (Avdagic et al., 2014). The goal is not to make anxiety go away. Rather, by "holding it lightly," we can accept our emotions and use them as guideposts regarding what matters most to us. I have found this approach particularly effective both in my own life and in my clinical practice.

Anxiety vs. Anxiety Disorders

It's important to differentiate here the difference between anxiety as an experience and anxiety disorders like panic disorder. Everyone experiences anxiety and while it may be uncomfortable, on its own anxiety is essential for our survival. For example, anxiety might motivate someone to fix a mechanical problem in their car that could cause an accident.

On the other hand, anxiety disorders like panic disorder or generalized anxiety disorder can create false alarms. A person with an anxiety disorder, for example, might worry about their car even when there is no evidence of a problem. People with anxiety disorders often benefit from psychotherapy like ACT to assist in managing their condition. Nonetheless in both cases, simply fighting the anxiety is not effective. Further, even in anxiety disorders, anxiety can still signal something that is deeply cared about.

Letting Go

Ironically, letting go of the struggle against anxiety can bring great relief. We can recognize what matters to us and move in that direction. Even when we cannot alleviate the concern, reflecting on the value behind it brings clarity.

I have adopted a more respectful stance towards anxiety. Anxiety is evidence that you have something or someone in life you love enough to fear losing and that you care deeply enough about someone to fear their loss. That's a beautiful thing.

In practice, this could look like reaching out to someone you care about who is hurting; rather than letting tension or fear of not knowing what to say keep you away. It could also mean channeling energy into a creative project. People hold a rainbow of values with the capacity to bring infinite possibilities.

If you can turn that worry into passion, change-making, and kindness, the anxiety can become fuel, propelling you toward something amazing.

As a therapist, when I introduce the thought of allowing anxiety to exist, I am typically greeted with apprehension in the eyes of my clients. Anxiety ignites significant suffering, and it is beyond understandable to want to send it away. Yet, for myself and others, the benefits of release are immense. People worry that if they aren't in control, anxiety will burn even more furiously, but this is rarely the case.

In a sense, behind its scary mask, anxiety is love. And love is no enemy at all.