Unless we can bear young people's hatred and understand it as normal (which means acknowledging our own capacity to hate), the danger is that young people are left feeling that there's something wrong with them, something fundamentally untouchable about them.
A baby doesn't think of itself as anything other than a body. That subjective sense of 'me' as distinct from 'my body' comes later, comes gradually, and by the time they're teenagers, young people are still wrestling with the distinction.
When young people say that everything happens for a reason, they need to be challenged gently and sympathetically. It doesn't matter that we end up not having the answers but it does matter that we keep asking the questions. The alternative for young people is sometimes a catastrophic disillusionment.
Adults live with a teenager inside themselves: an angry or unconfident or confused teenager, depending on their own experience of those earlier years. Their relationship with that internal teenager will always inform their relationship with an actual son or daughter. And teenagers pick up on this, only talking about the things adults can cope with.
Most young people want the security of a familiar role to fall back on, but also want to break free from that role, developing a wider repertoire. When they're recognised in their infinite variety, they tend to do the same for other people.
When adults pretend to know what they mean by 'love', young people expect simplicities and when they don't find them, panic, feeling that they must be missing out on something obvious. They search endlessly for some kind of proof.
With no previous experience of failure, young people are like likely to be ashamed and disturbed by failure when it eventually happens to them. Earlier experiences of failure not only help young people to appreciate success but help them to develop resilience.
Once the possibility of intimacy between students and teachers has become a taboo subject, the experience becomes shameful with teachers obliged to hide and hate their feelings. But if those feelings can be acknowledged and talked about as inevitabilities rather than as signs of weakness or perversity then teachers are less likely to end up crossing any boundaries.
It's hard to know what to think and feel about the most important things in life. When adults pretend to know, young people only get more anxious. When adults admit that they don't know either, young people are relieved.