Sometimes I have my work cut out for me when I search the Internet for humor on a subject. Not this time. I found an overabundance of Halloween humor, most of it in the form of riddles and most of it not particularly funny. I picked those that made me smile and sometimes even laugh out loud. With the hope that what tickles my funny bone also tickles yours, here is a short collection of skeleton, vampire, and witch humor—accompanied by ridiculous-looking pumpkins!
Q. Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road?
A. Because he didn't have the guts.
Q. What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
A. I'll have two beers and a mop.
Q. Who did the vampire bring to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.
Q. What do skeletons say before they start to eat?
A. Bone appétit!
Q. Who do vampires buy their cookies from?
A. The Ghoul Scouts.
Q. Where did the vampire open his savings account?
A. At a blood bank.
Q. What does a vampire fear the most?
A. Tooth decay.
Q. What’s a witch’s favorite school subject?
Q. What’s the problem with twin witches?
A. You never know which witch is which.
Q. How does a witch tell time?
A. She looks at her witch watch.
Q. Why do witches fly on brooms?
A. Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
I’ll end, not with a riddle, but with the funniest words I found on the subject of Halloween. They’re from the comedienne, Rita Rudner:
Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, "Trick or treat." "No thank you."
© 2013 Toni Bernhard. Thank you for reading my work. I'm the author of three books:
How to Live Well with Chronic Pain and Illness: A Mindful Guide (Fall 2015)
Visit www.tonibernhard.com for more information.