Every year I torture myself by making New Year’s Resolutions that I don’t keep. So, as a public service, in order to save you the trouble of letting yourself down yet again, I offer the Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions that Nobody Will Keep:
Number 10: I will work-out every day.
Oops. Already broken.
Number 9: I will maintain a positive attitude.
I learned from another Psychology Today writer that this is known in the therapeutic trade (of which I’m not a member) as “the tyranny of positive thinking.” Hurray! It’s okay not to always be positive. I think I’ll toss this resolution out straight away.
Number 8: I will drink more water.
I don’t know why, but at every turn, someone is telling me to drink more water. I’ve tried filling two water bottles and resolving to have them empty by the end of the day. Doesn’t work. I’ve tried making check marks on a piece of paper every time I finish a glass. Doesn’t work. Revised resolution: I will drink water. Now that’s one I can keep!
Number 7: No piece of junk food shall pass these lips.
Actually, I came up with a way to keep this one—as the year (and my eating) progresses, I’ll just keep redefining what comes under the category of junk food.
Number 6: I will not buy anything unless I absolutely need it.
This resolution is impossible to keep because today’s “I need it” is tomorrow’s “What was I thinking?”
Number 5: I will not allow clutter to accumulate in my living space.
Lovely thought, this one. But lest we forget: it’s just a thought.
Number 4: I will stop spending so much time in cyberspace.
To quote a character from The Social Network (the film about Facebook’s founder): “We lived on farms, then we lived in cities, and now we’re going to live on the Internet.”
Number 3: I will not put off until tomorrow what can be done today.
Aren’t these kinds of pithy sayings just begging to be broken?
Number 2: I won’t get stressed all year.
I’m stressed just thinking about this one.
And the #1 New Year’s Resolution that Nobody Will Keep:
I won’t make any more New Year’s Resolutions!
My heartfelt wish in the coming year is that all of you take good care of yourselves and your loved ones.
© 2013 Toni Bernhard. Thank you for reading my work. I'm the author of three books:
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