Wikimedia Commons
Source: Wikimedia Commons

Sometimes when I go looking for humor on a subject, I have to dig deep into the heart of the Internet. In this case, there was an overabundance of Halloween humor, mostly in the form of riddles and most of them not very funny. My task became to sort through them and pull out the ones that made me smile and even laugh out loud at times. With the hope that what tickles my funny bone also tickles yours, here is a short collection of skeleton, vampire, and witch humor.

Q. Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road? 

A. Because he didn't have the guts.

Q. What did the skeleton say to the bartender?

A. I'll have two beers and a mop.

Q. What do skeletons say before they start to eat? 

A. Bone appétit!

Q. Where did the vampire open his savings account?

A. At a blood bank.

Q. Who did the vampire bring to the prom?

A. His ghoul friend.

Q.Who do vampires buy their cookies from?

A. The Ghoul Scouts.

Q. What does a vampire fear the most?

A. Tooth decay.

Q. What’s a witch's favorite school subject?

A. Spelling.

Q. What's the problem with twin witches? 

A. You never know which witch is which.

Q. How does a witch tell time?

A. She looks at her witch watch.

Q. Why do witches fly on brooms?

A. Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.

And finally, not a riddle, but the funniest words I found on the subject of Halloween. They're from the comedienne, Rita Rudner:

Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, "Trick or treat." "No thank you."

Happy Halloween!

© 2012 Toni Bernhard. Thank you for reading my work. I'm the author of three books:

How to LIve Well with Chronic Pain and Illness: A Mindful Guide (2015)

How to Wake Up: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide to Navigating Joy and Sorrow (2013)

How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and their Caregivers (2010)

All of my books are available in audio format from Amazon,, and iTunes.

Visit for more information and buying options.

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