Not surprisingly, one of the most important ingredients in good sex is communication. Research shows, and sexologists know, that couples who talk about their sexual relationship usually have a good one. After all, we need to communicate to our partner our likes and dislikes, what feels good and bad, turn ons and preferences. Since they can't read our minds, and nonverbal expression can easily be misunderstood or inadequate to convey the full range of our sexual desires, open, nondefensive discussion with our partners is vital for good sex. Thus, it is very important to use your tongue for speaking with your partner about your sexual relationship.
What's more, as an actual sexual pleasuring organ, the tongue is unequalled. It is by far the most versatile muscle in the body capable of amazing feats of agility, strength, and delicacy. Also, it is often difficult, and in some cases impossible, for women to have orgasms via straightforward, penetrative, vaginal intercourse (i.e., PVI, or typical penile-vaginal thrusting). Similarly, many men find ejaculating much easier during oral stimulation than during PVI. Thus, skillful manipulation of the clitoris or glans with the tongue is often felt as some of the best sexual stimulation possible. Now this isn't to say that PVI isn't fantastic, or that it's not a lot of people's preferred sexual method, but only that many people, especially women, have fewer orgasms from PVI than from either oral or manual stimulation.
As for it's use as a communication tool, a great many people fail to use their tongue to speak up and talk about their sexual desires. This is usually because they are embarrassed, fear hurting their partner's feelings, or are simply unaware of the importance of spoken communication in enhancing sexual pleasure.
Indeed, most people have "sexual scripts." That is, explicit or implicit thoughts and images of what represents an ideal sexual encounter. Without communicating one's "script" to one's partner, however, it is very unlikely that it will ever be experienced. Furthermore, some people have specific sexual fantasies that also need to be expressed through speech (or writing) to be realized.
So, if you want to improve your sex life, use your tongue as both a tool for communication and as a vital piece of direct, sexual pleasuring equipment. Simply put, if you're not loving the sex you're having, rather than "bite your tongue," use it!
Remember: Think well, act well, feel well, be well!
Copyright by Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D.
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This post is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance or personal mental health treatment by a qualified clinician.