The Urban Scientist

What men and women really want.
Paul Dobransky, M.D.

Helping Men

How to help men with unique problems.

Ariadne's Thread - The One, Male "Deal-breaker" in Relationships

Ancient myths might speak to universal behaviors in more than a gender-neutral way, and while women have many "deal-breakers" on whether to date or marry a man, there is one major "deal-breaker" that men carry around in their own unconscious minds regarding commitment. Ariadne's Thread is the only cure.
Who Is the "Animal" on a Date? The Badboy or the Life of the Party?

Who Is the "Animal" on a Date? The Badboy or the Life of the Party?

Are you dating a "good boy" or a "badboy?" Or is your man "The Life of the Party?" We'll look at what makes them the same, what challenges they face, and some new ideas about what masculinity even is...
Sex and the City as Your Personal Matchmaking Tool

Sex and the City as Your Personal Matchmaking Tool

Sometimes a well-loved drama is so well-drawn, that it teaches as well. Sex and the City can be fashioned as a practical tool that any woman (or man) can use as a hobbyist, to learn to be their own perfect, personal matchmaker.
From Being Ashamed to Being Empowered

From Being Ashamed to Being Empowered

Have you ever felt judged, shamed, gossiped about, but confused in how to see what's true, false, or what to do next? If you ever felt more than criticized - instead more like wounded to the bone - this is how to deal with it.
The One Dating Trait of a Successful Future Mate

The One Dating Trait of a Successful Future Mate

When confused about whether another person is right for you, the character trait of curiosity goes a long way. In a social market where desire, love, and fitness for partnership are often confused, this single feature of personality can be proof of a great mate as early as the first date.
The Adulteress Has The Answers

The Adulteress Has The Answers

The experiences of adulteress have much more to teach us than the mere sensationalist news stories about the next lothario du jour. In the end, practical lessons for future relaitonship success can come directly out of casting a scientific eye to the very source of infidelity's pain.
How to Spot Friends, Enemies, Frenemies and Bullies

How to Spot Friends, Enemies, Frenemies and Bullies

For all those ever confused about whether to call an intimate, family member, coworker, employee, boss, partner, acquaintance, or social contact a friend, an enemy, or something in between - a "frenemy." It turns out that getting clarity, identifying the taxonomy, taking action and putting it to rest is easier than you ever thought.
Is Giving Thanks a Form of Anger?

Is Giving Thanks a Form of Anger?

Many notice that at holiday times, inexplicably, families sometimes erupt in arguments and drama. Could it be that there is a belief that thanks, appreciation and forgiveness are somehow "surrendering," "selling out," or "betraying ourselves?"  Let's consider whether in fact these high character acts are actually forms of anger, not weakness, and are perhaps the most self-championing ways of dealing with anger to improve our lives.
The New Female-on-Male Violence?

The New Female-on-Male Violence?

Is Female-on-Male Violence on the rise? Or is it just a matter of each gender's perception of what violence and abuse really are?
Never Get "Kanye'd" Again

Never Get "Kanye'd" Again

If you have ever wanted to avoid being "Kanye'd," it's just a matter of solid personal boundaries.
The Scientific Explanation of "Cool" (or Unexpected Lessons of Jude Law's Hamlet)

The Scientific Explanation of "Cool" (or Unexpected Lessons of Jude Law's Hamlet)

Who would stop to think that we could actually scientifically define what it is to be "cool," and learn about the most core learned human skill - one without which it is impossible to grow, change or mature? That would be valuable to anyone from age nine to ninety.On a work vacation to London, the longest of my life, I chanced across an opportunity to see Jude Law, in his final three days of Hamlet. All the ways of growing your own skill at what is called Observing Ego are put on display, the very ability which grows your character, and gives access to the rewards of life.
Did Depression Double? Did Healing Double? Or Did Profit Double?

Did Depression Double? Did Healing Double? Or Did Profit Double?

Antidepressant use in America has doubled. Does this mean there is more awareness?  More healing?  More depression occuring? Or simply more advertising profit? The Biopsychosocial model has been a sturdy guide to healing for therapists and patients. Is the model broken by drug advertising?

Creating Gentlemen

What if this unmet need is a core cause of flagging marriage rates, divorce, and general romantic dissatisfaction between men and women?
The Ugly Truth is Beautiful

The Ugly Truth is Beautiful

The recent film The Ugly Truth may be sugary-sweet and formulaic, but there is a refreshing and beautiful honesty in looking at its issues between men and women, especially the places in romance we disagree. Maybe our culture is ready to get real between men and women. Evolutionary Psychology can help pave the way...
What 100,000 People Really Think of You

What 100,000 People Really Think of You

What would you do if you knew that 100,000 people had an opinion of you that was pretty much in agreement?  And you had no idea what it was?  You couldn't email, Facebook, call or text to find out. You'd have to meet them in person.
The Bridges of Sanford County, Part II (Or "The Devil in the Details")

The Bridges of Sanford County, Part II (Or "The Devil in the Details")

In cheating, did "the devil make him do it?" Or is it simply that we need to understand sexual attraction is not a choice? The passions are irrational, illogical, and immune to ethics, boundaries, and civil character. If we drop the moralizing, politicizing, and special interest agendas, we might just come to understand this romantic force, and place this "devil in the details" in our service as a couple instead.
The Bridges of Sanford County, Part I

The Bridges of Sanford County, Part I

Could the Governor of SC be the Meryl Streep of scandal-ridden politicians? Men and women are sometimes judged for cheating by very different standards - compare the latest scandal with the well-loved romance, The Bridges of Madison County. A new look at Mark Sanford may point toward lessons, rather than just more moralizing, politicizing and the same old story: "Man cheats. Man found out. Man profusely apologizes, leaves job, goes home in shame and possibly, divorce."

If You Don't Have a Father Today...

Millions of men and women have had absentee fathers, neglectful fathers, abusive fathers, distracted, confused or selfish fathers, but we are resilient human beings. Our fathers, no matter how imperfect, gave us all some skills, experience, and biological gifts which will always serve us in finding happiness and success. Here is how to make this your Father's Day too, even if you don't have a dad to meet with today.
Is Your Comedian Your Therapist?

Is Your Comedian Your Therapist?

What if a comedian is the "poor man's" therapist? It's not as simple as "laughter is the best medicine." Their place in society is a direct commentary on the maturity of society itself.
Slumdog Therapy

Slumdog Therapy

Have you ever wondered why the main character of a film or novel is the main "character?" Perhaps it is because the person's character maturity is what must change and grow if there is ever to be a happy ending to the story. You'll find that what we see in the remarkable new multiple Oscar-winner, Slumdog Millionaire, the process of psychotherapy itself, flawlessly illustrated.
Today is "Malentine's Day"

Today is "Malentine's Day"

A Down Economy = GREAT SEX!

A Down Economy = GREAT SEX!

Are Women Dying In The War On Love?

Are Women Dying In The War On Love?

The phrase "There's a war on..." has been so overused by some sensationalist news coverage in recent years that I loathe to even go there in looking at an alarming new research finding. Yet, there is nothing else to call it. It's inescapable. Well, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the recent article finding a massive rise in suicide among middle-aged women.
Part I: Barack Obama's Rise to Power as a "Manly Man"

Part I: Barack Obama's Rise to Power as a "Manly Man"

Now, just days after the most massive public celebration seen in Chicago's Grant Park in decades, I notice that I have an unexpected, unexplainable, and likely unwarranted uneasiness - with a sudden, strange twinge of jealousy toward the object of its worship - President-elect, Barack Obama.Yet, could there be more than just "charisma" to Obama's rise to power?Something about the Obama Phenomenon that is actually based on science?What if the workings of personality temperament, character maturity, and gender instinct - masculinity in his case - could be teased apart, codified, and even taught about and learned?