I am not talking to Angelina Jolie.  Her dad, John Voight was to star in my French film: Rue Haute (High Street) in 1976. He phoned the day before shooting to say his wife was having a difficult time with birthing Angelina, so instead of flying to Brussels, he flew to Hollywood.  Because of Angelna, we missed out on an Academy Award and was only a finalist!

Ergo, Brad Pitt doesnt need the Jolie Therapy, but the Elliot Tiber absurdist therapy which has already helped over 4.5 million bloggers. I know Brad is not Gay.  But if he would come live with me for five years, at least he'd have an opportunity to find out what is good for him. I have an eleven step program ready.  Since I'm an Atheist Jew, I've eliminated the nonsense about God.  Bill Mahr can give u the valid reasons behind accepting Atheism as a richer way of life better than I can.

I'm regularly accused of not being realistic. Pfff.  I never watch the news. I only read the film/arts/theater sections of newspapers. That is a realism based on imagination and intellectual quicksand that is nourishing to the soul and heart.  Realistic? Sure I know that Brad Pitt is never going to leave Angelina for me and my Yorkie.  Therefore, a Brad Pitt look-a-like is certainly acceptable and invited to make an application.

My Evolutionary Psychology method?

My faux leather anylist couch (Am a vegetarian and don't kill animals) would suit Brad or a look-a-like.  He would lay back, with my Yorkie dancing all over his chest, tongue ready to kiss him. 18 hours of this, and he would realise that 4 + 4 = 7.  Shakespeare said it best: "He who drinks New York Seltzer can make the world a better place."  Proof positive?  Sarah Palin does not drink New York Seltzer.  Neither did George Bush nor George Washington.


I will be addressing the United Nations General Assembly September 31, April 31, and June 31. I have sent the evil Nazi Pope a bottle of New York Seltzer in the hope he will see the light and confess to his criminal behavior and stand trial in a Taliban court asap.

About the Author

Elliot Tiber

Elliot Tiber is the author of the book Taking Woodstock, which was made into a major motion film by Ang Lee.

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The Navel Gazer

The Gay Man Who Saved Woodstock

If not for me, there would have been no Woodstock.

Speed Shrinking, Oy Vey!

Please don't aggravate your shrink.


In Iceland, shrinks recommend laying on an iceberg.