Let's face it; addiction treatment has not been very successful. But there is a clear reason for this: we haven't understood how it works. Once you do understand it, though, there are some critical steps you can take to break it. In my new book, Breaking Addiction: A 7-Step Handbook for Ending Any Addiction (HarperCollins, 2011), I describe those steps.
As previous readers of this blog know, true addiction (versus simple physical dependence) is neither more nor less than an emotional solution to manage feelings of intolerable helplessness. When people feel utterly trapped they have to do something, and if they feel they can't act directly to get out of the trap then they have to do something else. The "something else" is a substitute action or displacement. It is this displaced action that we call an addiction.
For example, Ron was sitting at his desk at 1 o'clock in the afternoon when a pile of new work was dumped on his desk. He already felt overwhelmed with all he had to do, and he'd promised his children that he'd come home and help them build a fort that evening. On top of that, he'd told his wife that tonight, for a change, he would come home early. He was trapped.
But Ron suffered with alcoholism, so at that moment when he felt helpless in the face of the work that was piled high on his desk, he decided that, by God, he was going to have a drink when he got out of work. Significantly, as soon as he made this decision he felt less pressured. He could and would do something that he knew would make him feel better. He had reversed his helplessness. And his solution, drinking, was driven by the furious intensity that anyone feels when utterly trapped. However, his decision to drink was not a direct response to the actual work problem. He didn't go to complain to his boss, or determine that he would do a less thorough job with his new tasks. His drinking (or even just his decision to drink) was a substitute activity driven by all the intensity of a person trapped in a cave-in. We have a name for such intensely driven substitute actions: "addictions."
Once you understand this is how addictions work, then there are steps you can take to combat the process. First, notice that the beginning of Ron's path toward drinking was hours before he actually drank, when he first thought about having a drink. I call this the "key moment" in addiction, and it is crucial to be able to identify it. Sometimes doing this is pretty easy, as in Ron's case. But the key moment can be harder to spot, because of your own defenses. For example, in another case in the book I describe a woman who became confused just when she felt most overwhelmed. This made it impossible for her to recognize when she felt anxious and despondent, just the moments that always led to her addictive behavior. Recognizing your defensive style is another of the steps in my book.
But what can you do when the addictive urge is upon you? The basic idea is fairly simple and I describe it in the book in Step 6, "Short-term Strategies for Dealing with Addiction." If addictions are just displaced actions -- substitutes for doing something to directly deal with the trap -- then it is only necessary to undo this substitution and take a more direct action. For instance, a woman with food addiction regularly went home and binged on junk food when she felt left out and unimportant, such as often happened to her in social settings. After she learned how her addiction worked, she was able to manage the next meeting of her pottery group very differently. She didn't have to do anything extraordinary; she just spoke up a bit about her concerns as a new member of the group, and when she got home she didn't need to eat. She had learned what made her addiction go and addressed it directly.
Another woman (whom I have described previously) felt she had to comply with her husband's demands to create a dinner for many guests on short notice. Usually, she meekly accepted these demands, and then took her Percodans. But when she was able to come up with a more direct solution ("I know I should have just told him to make his own damn dinner, but at least I figured out another way out"), and ordered take-out Chinese food, her addictive urge vanished! There was no magic here. She had just taken a more direct action to deal with her helplessness trap, so she didn't need her addictive act.
Sometimes, though, finding the more direct action is more complicated, such as when there is no clear action that will solve the problem. In the book I describe a man whose urge to use heroin became nearly overwhelming when he realized that his girlfriend was going to break up with him. Here, there was no clear direct action he could take to reverse the helplessness he felt. He needed to think about his helplessness trap in a different way: from the standpoint of what this loss meant to him, rather than just the loss of his girlfriend. I describe how to go about refocusing on your feelings, rather than only the external reality, in Chapter 6.
Step 7 in Breaking Addiction describes long-term strategies. These involve not just knowing how to identify the key moment on the path to addiction and how to manage the urges when they occur, but how to anticipate when they will occur and thereby avoid even having to reach the stage of intense feelings. When you have reached that point, the addiction is broken.