Forgiveness Therapy and Empathy in Cases of Sexual Abuse

Two prominent forms of Forgiveness Therapy (Enright, 2001, Worthington, 2006) share this in common: the importance of empathy toward those who act unjustly. Empathy is the ability to “step inside the shoes” of another and not only to see the world from their perspective but also to try experiencing that world from their view.

How is empathy used in Forgiveness Therapy and is the encouraging of empathy always appropriate? It seems to me that we cannot give empathy a clear pass without some criticism. In other words, we have to use empathy very carefully and at the right time. Otherwise, it is dangerous.

Source: From the arcle of Justin Holcomb, What You Need to Know About Sexual Assault and the Steubenville Rape Case/ Christianity.org

Let me illustrate with one case. A 17-year-old girl recently was sexually assaulted at her high school. Some of the officials (not using Forgiveness Therapy) at school asked her to empathize with the boy who assaulted her, to see the attack from his perspective, his cultural history, even his adolescent hormones. She basically is being asked to justify the boy’s behavior, a point about which few would agree, given that the behavior is sexual assault. If anything, it could induce a false and dangerous sense of guilt in her.

Because Forgiveness Therapy and the approach above share the common theme of empathy, it may be important to clarify the difference between these two mental health approaches.

If the female student were to engage in Forgiveness Therapy (Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2015), the following would occur:

1) Forgiveness Therapy always starts with the assumption that the decision to forgive rests with the client. She never should be pressured into forgiving. She never would be asked early in therapy to empathize with the one who attacked her.

2) Forgiveness Therapy starts with a period of acknowledging pain, anger, and sadness. These emotions are not ignored and they can take months to confront and examine.

3) If the victim eventually decides to try to forgive, she always will be encouraged to know this: What the other did to her was wrong, is wrong, and always will be wrong. Forgiving does not alter reality. Sexual assault is wrong.

4) Before practicing forgiving, she would be encouraged to see the accuracy of what forgiveness is: If she forgives, she will not be condoning his actions; she needs to decide how far away from him she should be while at school (they are classmates); and she will be aware that forgiving and seeking justice are a team. She will not abandon the quest for justice when she forgives. As she (probably slowly) forgives, she will see his worth as a person, not because of what he did, but in spite of this.

Source: Swesrs.org.uk, Social & Caring, Empathy

5) Even when it is time, and again it could be a long time, to examine the inner world of the attacker, she would be gently encouraged to see his confusion, his extreme error, even his psychological woundedness that may have contributed to his crime. Those wounds might come from parents, from abuse by others, or even from a philosophy or ideology of how he should and should not treat women. In other words, empathy occurs when she willingly examines his world before the attack. She would not be encouraged to apply empathy toward him as he was attacking, as if such empathy might lead to an understanding of why he, supposedly legitimately, attacked.

6) Even in this examination of the other’s inner world prior to the abuse, the client would be encouraged not to slip into condonation or excusing the other’s behavior. Point four needs to be re-emphasized.

7) The therapist would not expect a complete ending of anger as a sense of empathy emerges in her. The therapist’s task is to accompany the client in anger-reduction so that the anger is not in control. In good Forgiveness Therapy, the point is to have the client be in control of the anger, not the other way around.

There is much more to Forgiveness Therapy than empathy, but we will not examine the other aspects of this mental health approach here. Does Forgiveness Therapy work for sexual abuse? Yes, and it can take time. Freedman and Enright (1996) report on a randomized experimental-and-control group study with adult women who were victims of incest. It took, on the average, about 14 months for each client to forgive. Even upon forgiving, their forgiveness rose from the expected very low level, not to a high level, but to an average level of forgiving the one who abused. And this made all the difference for their level of psychological depression, anxiety, and hope for their future. When the control group then started Forgiveness Therapy, again, similar findings occurred.

Yet, just because Forgiveness Therapy works does not mean that we should impose it on anyone. To forgive or not to forgive is the client’s choice. If chosen by the client, and if done well, it can lead to healing.