Some children are hardwired to disturb the peace at home or school but their unusual energies take them to high places later.
Why are some kids difficult: ADHD, a creative personality, a highly sensitive nature, oppositional defiant disorder, a learning disability, a mood disorder or a sub-clinical phenomenon? Naming a problem can be good for clarity and anxiety relief. However, the diagnosis is less important than customizing a remedy for each child and family.
Disruptive, demanding children can become fantastic contributors later in life. A troublemaker who takes over the classroom may become an energetic CEO. A big personality might become a media mogul. A tearful soul might become a missionary for a meaningful cause. A recluse may become an artist. Some people are not that social because they have a rich inner life. If your child hibernates all weekend maybe you do not have to worry as much as you think you do. Some kids are too social in the eyes of their parents but the stimulation they get from carousing may be the source of great success in the future. Unless there is an underlying illness, riding out the calls from the principal may be your best bet.
That said, life is hard for kids who don’t comply or fit in. They may be disfavored by teachers, sitters or family members, which can lead to self-doubt, overt punitive gestures or subtle rejections.
Conform versus be yourself can be an interesting rather than a torturous challenge. Have faith that small steps lead to big changes and know that kids grow out of unevenness.
In the here and now, how can you help your child protect his or her spirit and adjust to expectations so that they do not alienate authority figures or peers?
Understanding and managing your own inner reactions will help you figure out what to do.
Hang in, weather tumult, don’t panic because they are not who you wanted them to be. Your offspring take in your values and your wisdom even if they fight you every step of the way.
One day when they show up as someone you recognize and deeply admire, you will feel quite fine.