What Does It Mean to Really Listen to Someone?

Psychoanalysts learn to listen in our training – it is quite possibly one of the most important things we do in our work. Yet one of the ongoing themes of a conference on "The Art of Listening" is not only how we listen, but also what it actually means to listen and how well we do it.

Some Things Get Better With Age

My ninety year old aunt complains that she does not have much energy anymore. She doesn’t like it that she can’t remember what day it is, or the names of new acquaintances. But when it comes to emotional advice, there’s no one better to ask. Research has shown that as we age, not all of our cognitive abilities are on a steady downward path.

Why It's Easier to Be Kind to Strangers Than to Our Partners

Ann and Bob have been married for five years and, after trying to get pregnant for two years, have just had their first baby. Their friends and family are all thrilled for them. And while they are both excited to be parents at last, they are also exhausted, anxious and miserable.

Campus Sexual Assault & Binge Drinking: What Can Parents Do?

The double whammy of sexual violence and binge drinking on college campuses has parents concerned – as well it should. As numerous studies have shown, the two behaviors are closely linked in a number of ways. Do you, as a parent, feel helpless to do anything about it?

6 Ways to Get Past the Pain of Unrequited Love

It sounds romantic – to love someone with all of your heart and soul, whether or not they love you back. But the reality is very different. The pain of loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you can be almost unbearable. It certainly doesn’t feel romantic. It just feels devastating. How do you deal with the feeling?

Looking For Love? Are Your Chances Better On or Offline?

Internet dating and marriage has been around long enough that its success and failure rate is being studied. It’s also being compared to more traditional ways of finding love. So what does the data tell us is the best way to find true and lasting love?

6 Surprising Ways to Communicate Better With Your Partner

Are you having troubles talking about your feelings to someone you love? Does your partner run the other way any time you bring up the word “feeling”?

Putting Feelings Into Words: 3 Ways to Explain What You Feel

Have you ever had troubles finding the words for what you’re feeling or thinking? Most of us have encountered this difficulty at some time or another. It often happens just when we most need to be able to explain ourselves – when we’re feeling something particularly strongly or in a crisis or just want to communicate a strong feeling.

One Simple Way to Improve Your Ability to Focus

Debbie is on her way to work after the long holiday break. She’s thinking about what she did during her vacation and musing on a trip she’s planning for her next time off. She’s so caught up in these daydreams that she misses the turn off to her office building.

Why Trying to Feel Better Can Sometimes Make You Feel Worse

Nancy* tries to take good care of herself. She spends time with friends and family. She exercises and watches her diet. So what is making her feel so bad?

Dealing with the Sunday Night Blues

“Sundays are the worst,” says Janine*, who juggles a career, married life, and parenthood. “I think about all of the stuff I didn’t get done, and whatever good things happened over the weekend just disappear..."

Thanksgiving and Friends - Try this powerful combo

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” ― Elbert Hubbard

What's the Best Way to Deal with Sneaky People?

Unfortunately, most of us know someone who acts one way and secretly feels another; who lies or misleads us; who is manipulative, or passive-aggressive. Maybe it’s your “friend” who hugs you and tells you you’re the best, and then badmouths you behind your back. Or a sibling who guilt trips you into things you don't want to do. What's the best way to deal with them?

6 Steps to Treating the Pain of a Breakup

Nomar* was in love. He had never been happier. He and his girlfriend Marissa* were talking about living together and eventually getting married. Suddenly, without warning, Marissa told him that it was over. Nomar went from disbelief to incredible pain. How could he ever heal?

A secret way to improve your self esteem

Aleisha*, a professional woman in her late twenties, loves her job but worries that she’s not good enough at it. However, even though she often questions her abilities, the evidence is that she’s pretty good at it. A recent promotion and substantial raise should have boosted her self-confidence. But now she’s feeling even less secure than ever.

Four Ways to Start Your Work Week at the top of Your Game

Going back to work can stir up any number of feelings. So how do you cope with being excited, nervous, pleased, worried, fearful, stressed, or any combination emotions? How can you make the transition in the most positive way possible?

What's the best way to deal with help rejecting complainers?

Adrienne* is basically a nice woman. But she seems to feel that bad things only happen to her. Or when bad things happen to her, they’re worse than when they happen to anyone else. Why is this so irritating to the people around her? What might help her? And what can you do about the Adriennes in your life?

5 ways to find balance in your life

Have you noticed that in times of transition (like when summer turns to fall, or winter turns to spring) you are particularly susceptible to feeling off balance? It seems to me that in months like September and June, when there’s a lot of change going on, I hear the phrase, “There’s just not enough time in the day to do everything I need to do…” more often than ever.

6 Ways to Manage the Differences in Your Relationship

Mary* loves chick flicks. Her boyfriend Sam* likes action movies—the more violence, the better. She’s a vegetarian. He’s a meat and potatoes guy. “I love him, but we seem totally mismatched,” she says. “We can’t agree on a movie or a meal; how can we make important life choices, like where we’ll live or when we’ll start a family?”

Look at Your Body as Your Paintbrush, Not Your Canvas

If you have ever woken up in the morning, looked at yourself in the mirror, and thought, “I just can’t go outside looking like this,” you’re certainly not alone. But what can you do about it? This answer just might surprise you.

5 Ways to Make Goodbyes Less Painful

Goodbyes are in the air. Do you have children leaving for camp or coming home, starting college, going back to school, or off for a semester abroad? Are you changing jobs, getting divorced, moving? Goodbyes don’t have to be life-destroying. Here are 5 ways to ease transitions and move forward whether you're leaving or being left.

An Electronic Moratorium–Good or Bad Idea for Your Teen?

A friend’s fourteen-year-old son is on his way to a four week electronic-free camping trip. Four weeks without a cellphone or a computer–no Instagram, Snapchat, Pheed, Keek, tweets, texts or selfies. My friend says it will be the best thing that ever happened to him. Her husband worries that he'll be lost without contact with his friends.

Is There a Right Way to Brag?

No one likes a show off. But is it ever okay to brag about yourself, your accomplishments, your loved ones? Why do we need to share our good experiences with others? What can you do about the braggarts in your life? And what can you do when you really do need to show off?

What Do You Mean, I Look Pretty Today?

You probably know what it’s like to get a compliment that should make you feel better but actually makes you feel bad. Maybe it doesn’t feel genuine or it feels like a back-handed criticism. When this happens, does your reaction reflect your own insecurities and anxieties or is it an accurate reading of an underlying message? What can you do about it either way?

How do you know when Binge Drinking is Really a Problem?

Anna* is expecting her first child in a few months. Once a heavy drinker, she stopped consuming any alcoholic beverages when she and her husband Len began trying to get pregnant. Her husband, on the other hand, doesn’t see any reason that he should join Anna in abstaining. But Anna worries. Will his drinking impact their unborn baby?

Why Mother’s Day is the Worst Holiday Ever

Mary* has a great relationship with her mother. But she gives into her husband’s request that they take his mother out for lunch, since she’s alone and he’s an only child, and Mary's mother has her husband and all of Mary’s siblings. But her mother’s feelings are so hurt that she won't get on the phone when Mary calls to wish her a happy Mother’s Day. What can she do?

Why Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word

Many years ago, my husband and I were standing in line to go to a movie. He nodded at someone who was passing by and then said to me, “He’s on a date night, too. Just not with his wife.” The man, who he knew from the gym, was always talking about how easy it was to be unfaithful. “All you have to do is bring her flowers or jewelry, and she'll forgive everything," he said.

4 Ways to Deal With Selfish People

An acquaintance recently told me that she wished her grown children recognized how hard she had worked for them. “They’re so selfish,” she said. “They’re greedy and self-centered.” By contrast, she made it clear that she had been a selfless and generous mother.

How You Can Get What You Want From Your Partner

Wendy* and Tony* look like the perfect couple. Married for twelve years, they appear to enjoy one another and their two children. But Tony and Wendy rarely have sex anymore. Family meals have become increasingly tense. They sometimes go for days in icy silence. They don't know it, but expectations are sucking the oxygen out of their marriage. How do they start breathing?

Want to Write? Procrastinating? This Will Help You!

When I was working on my book Daydreaming: Unlock the Creative Power of Your Mind, I did more procrastinating and worrying about writing than I did writing itself. I loved it when a friend told me that the delightful playwright Wendy Wasserstein once told a crowded audience that she would do almost anything rather than write.

Pages