An attractive, well-dressed, and recently divorced client told me that she knew she was looking “old, fat and ugly. What man is going to be interested in me now?” she asked. I wondered about the discrepancy between how I saw her and how she saw herself.
“It doesn’t matter what I do for my mother, it’s never enough.”
“I bought my Mom a beautiful gift for her birthday, but she took it back. She always takes my presents back. What’s with that?”
“I hate Mother’s Day. I can’t ever get it right.”
Do you hate small talk? You’re not alone, of course. Maybe you’re shy, or introverted, or maybe you’re bored by it. Or do you get irritated by the apparently endless and meaningless chatter? Here are 5 reasons to change your mind. And 5 techniques for getting better at it.
Has this happened to you? You love everything about your new job – your terrific boss, your fabulous co-workers and your first assignment. Even your little cubicle is in the perfect location, with a bit of sunlight from a nearby window and near all of the right people. And then, sometimes all of a sudden, sometimes just bit-by-bit, you start to feel less excited.
Psychoanalysts learn to listen in our training – it is quite possibly one of the most important things we do in our work. Yet one of the ongoing themes of a conference on "The Art of Listening" is not only how we listen, but also what it actually means to listen and how well we do it.
My ninety year old aunt complains that she does not have much energy anymore. She doesn’t like it that she can’t remember what day it is, or the names of new acquaintances. But when it comes to emotional advice, there’s no one better to ask. Research has shown that as we age, not all of our cognitive abilities are on a steady downward path.
Ann and Bob have been married for five years and, after trying to get pregnant for two years, have just had their first baby. Their friends and family are all thrilled for them. And while they are both excited to be parents at last, they are also exhausted, anxious and miserable.
The double whammy of sexual violence and binge drinking on college campuses has parents concerned – as well it should. As numerous studies have shown, the two behaviors are closely linked in a number of ways. Do you, as a parent, feel helpless to do anything about it?
It sounds romantic – to love someone with all of your heart and soul, whether or not they love you back. But the reality is very different. The pain of loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you can be almost unbearable. It certainly doesn’t feel romantic. It just feels devastating. How do you deal with the feeling?
Internet dating and marriage has been around long enough that its success and failure rate is being studied. It’s also being compared to more traditional ways of finding love. So what does the data tell us is the best way to find true and lasting love?
Have you ever had troubles finding the words for what you’re feeling or thinking? Most of us have encountered this difficulty at some time or another. It often happens just when we most need to be able to explain ourselves – when we’re feeling something particularly strongly or in a crisis or just want to communicate a strong feeling.
Debbie is on her way to work after the long holiday break. She’s thinking about what she did during her vacation and musing on a trip she’s planning for her next time off. She’s so caught up in these daydreams that she misses the turn off to her office building.
“Sundays are the worst,” says Janine*, who juggles a career, married life, and parenthood. “I think about all of the stuff I didn’t get done, and whatever good things happened over the weekend just disappear..."
Unfortunately, most of us know someone who acts one way and secretly feels another; who lies or misleads us; who is manipulative, or passive-aggressive. Maybe it’s your “friend” who hugs you and tells you you’re the best, and then badmouths you behind your back. Or a sibling who guilt trips you into things you don't want to do. What's the best way to deal with them?
Nomar* was in love. He had never been happier. He and his girlfriend Marissa* were talking about living together and eventually getting married. Suddenly, without warning, Marissa told him that it was over. Nomar went from disbelief to incredible pain. How could he ever heal?
Aleisha*, a professional woman in her late twenties, loves her job but worries that she’s not good enough at it. However, even though she often questions her abilities, the evidence is that she’s pretty good at it. A recent promotion and substantial raise should have boosted her self-confidence. But now she’s feeling even less secure than ever.
Going back to work can stir up any number of feelings. So how do you cope with being excited, nervous, pleased, worried, fearful, stressed, or any combination emotions? How can you make the transition in the most positive way possible?
Adrienne* is basically a nice woman. But she seems to feel that bad things only happen to her. Or when bad things happen to her, they’re worse than when they happen to anyone else. Why is this so irritating to the people around her? What might help her? And what can you do about the Adriennes in your life?
Have you noticed that in times of transition (like when summer turns to fall, or winter turns to spring) you are particularly susceptible to feeling off balance? It seems to me that in months like September and June, when there’s a lot of change going on, I hear the phrase, “There’s just not enough time in the day to do everything I need to do…” more often than ever.
Mary* loves chick flicks. Her boyfriend Sam* likes action movies—the more violence, the better. She’s a vegetarian. He’s a meat and potatoes guy. “I love him, but we seem totally mismatched,” she says. “We can’t agree on a movie or a meal; how can we make important life choices, like where we’ll live or when we’ll start a family?”
If you have ever woken up in the morning, looked at yourself in the mirror, and thought, “I just can’t go outside looking like this,” you’re certainly not alone. But what can you do about it? This answer just might surprise you.
Goodbyes are in the air. Do you have children leaving for camp or coming home, starting college, going back to school, or off for a semester abroad? Are you changing jobs, getting divorced, moving? Goodbyes don’t have to be life-destroying. Here are 5 ways to ease transitions and move forward whether you're leaving or being left.
A friend’s fourteen-year-old son is on his way to a four week electronic-free camping trip. Four weeks without a cellphone or a computer–no Instagram, Snapchat, Pheed, Keek, tweets, texts or selfies. My friend says it will be the best thing that ever happened to him. Her husband worries that he'll be lost without contact with his friends.
No one likes a show off. But is it ever okay to brag about yourself, your accomplishments, your loved ones? Why do we need to share our good experiences with others? What can you do about the braggarts in your life? And what can you do when you really do need to show off?
You probably know what it’s like to get a compliment that should make you feel better but actually makes you feel bad. Maybe it doesn’t feel genuine or it feels like a back-handed criticism. When this happens, does your reaction reflect your own insecurities and anxieties or is it an accurate reading of an underlying message? What can you do about it either way?
Anna* is expecting her first child in a few months. Once a heavy drinker, she stopped consuming any alcoholic beverages when she and her husband Len began trying to get pregnant. Her husband, on the other hand, doesn’t see any reason that he should join Anna in abstaining. But Anna worries. Will his drinking impact their unborn baby?