Terrorists Want Us to Feel Insecure - 5 Ways to Triumph

5 ways to keep the terrorists from winning.

Why Do You Keep Making the Same Relationship Mistakes?

Do you keep having the same argument with your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse? Do you keep falling into the same relationship rut? Do you think you’ve changed only to discover that you’ve just repeated a familiar pattern? If you do, you’re not alone.

A Brilliant Way to Avoid College Application Insanity

For years I have worked with parents and adolescents, high school advisors and college counselors, all of them struggling with the madness of the college application process and the years building up to it. Finally, I have come across someone with some brilliant, common sensical and easily applied ideas about how to deal with the "mania" of college applications.

The Pain of Rejection (and How We Justify Dishing It Out)

Researchers have provided evidence for what you and I already know – being ostracized, or ignored or excluded by a group to which we would like to belong or have already been part of is not good for our psyches or our souls. But what about the ostracizers? Do they get off scot free? Or does something happen to them as well.

5 Ways to Protect Your Personal Space

Do you work in an open cubicle? Does someone in a nearby cube talk too loudly on their phone, or talk to you nonstop? Are you (or do you know) a college student who could be in danger of sexual boundary violations? Do you have a roommate (or a child or sibling) who “borrows” your clothes without asking, and returns them damaged – or not at all?

It's Easier Than You Think To Misread Body Language

It never fails to surprise and disappoint me when therapists make dumb comments.

5 Reasons to Ditch Perfection and Embrace 'Good Enough'

A mom I know was trying to arrange a birthday party for her child. “I want it to be the best party ever!” she said. “I want her to have memories of this party for the rest of her life.” What's wrong here?

Is It True That Your Physical Pain Is In Your Mind?

“I think there’s something wrong,” Marjorie said. “I feel like I have a urinary tract infection all the time. But the doctor can’t find anything the matter. He says I have an anxiety disorder." A week later, tests showed that she had a UTI. Why hadn't the doctor picked it up before?

What's the Best Way to Deal With a Negative Body Image?

Lianne* came to see me for help with her eating. "I can't stand myself," she said. "I've tried every diet I can think of. I lose weight...and then I gain it all back...and more." Lianne was smart and very funny. She had a successful job and many women friends. But she didn't like her body. And she didn't like herself.

Does Your Relationship Need a Reality Check?

Most of us want to be admired and even, on occasion, slightly idealized by our loved ones. But at a certain point, the good feelings can turn bad. Too much admiration can damage a relationship. What’s the tipping point, and what can you do to avoid it?

Mommy Cliques: 7 Ways to Beat Being Outside the 'In' Group

When my son was a toddler I signed him up for a “gymnastics” group, hoping not only to use up some of his energy, but to find some friends for myself. Instead, I found that there was an "in" group of moms and kids -- and we were definitely on the outside. I felt like a third grader again. If you've ever been in this situation, you'll like these psychologically savvy ideas.

Unhappy? Research Says a Small Smile Can Improve Your Mood

An attractive, well-dressed, and recently divorced client told me that she knew she was looking “old, fat and ugly. What man is going to be interested in me now?” she asked. I wondered about the discrepancy between how I saw her and how she saw herself.

5 Ways to Deal With A Guilt-Tripping Mother

“It doesn’t matter what I do for my mother, it’s never enough.” “I bought my Mom a beautiful gift for her birthday, but she took it back. She always takes my presents back. What’s with that?” “I hate Mother’s Day. I can’t ever get it right.” Sound familiar?

5 Ways to Make Small Talk Worth the Trouble

Do you hate small talk? You’re not alone, of course. Maybe you’re shy, or introverted, or maybe you’re bored by it. Or do you get irritated by the apparently endless and meaningless chatter? Here are 5 reasons to change your mind. And 5 techniques for getting better at it.

If I Talk to a Therapist Will I Stop Speaking to My Parents?

A young man walked into my office for his first therapy session. “If I start talking to you, am I going to end up not talking to my parents?” he asked.

From “Wow” to “Meh” 8 Ways to Deal With Any Letdown

Has this happened to you? You love everything about your new job – your terrific boss, your fabulous co-workers and your first assignment. Even your little cubicle is in the perfect location, with a bit of sunlight from a nearby window and near all of the right people. And then, sometimes all of a sudden, sometimes just bit-by-bit, you start to feel less excited.

What Does It Mean to Really Listen to Someone?

Psychoanalysts learn to listen in our training – it is quite possibly one of the most important things we do in our work. Yet one of the ongoing themes of a conference on "The Art of Listening" is not only how we listen, but also what it actually means to listen and how well we do it.

Some Things Get Better With Age

My ninety year old aunt complains that she does not have much energy anymore. She doesn’t like it that she can’t remember what day it is, or the names of new acquaintances. But when it comes to emotional advice, there’s no one better to ask. Research has shown that as we age, not all of our cognitive abilities are on a steady downward path.

Why It's Easier to Be Kind to Strangers Than to Our Partners

Ann and Bob have been married for five years and, after trying to get pregnant for two years, have just had their first baby. Their friends and family are all thrilled for them. And while they are both excited to be parents at last, they are also exhausted, anxious and miserable.

Campus Sexual Assault & Binge Drinking: What Can Parents Do?

The double whammy of sexual violence and binge drinking on college campuses has parents concerned – as well it should. As numerous studies have shown, the two behaviors are closely linked in a number of ways. Do you, as a parent, feel helpless to do anything about it?

6 Ways to Get Past the Pain of Unrequited Love

It sounds romantic – to love someone with all of your heart and soul, whether or not they love you back. But the reality is very different. The pain of loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you can be almost unbearable. It certainly doesn’t feel romantic. It just feels devastating. How do you deal with the feeling?

Looking For Love? Are Your Chances Better On or Offline?

Internet dating and marriage has been around long enough that its success and failure rate is being studied. It’s also being compared to more traditional ways of finding love. So what does the data tell us is the best way to find true and lasting love?

6 Surprising Ways to Communicate Better With Your Partner

Are you having troubles talking about your feelings to someone you love? Does your partner run the other way any time you bring up the word “feeling”?

Putting Feelings Into Words: 3 Ways to Explain What You Feel

Have you ever had troubles finding the words for what you’re feeling or thinking? Most of us have encountered this difficulty at some time or another. It often happens just when we most need to be able to explain ourselves – when we’re feeling something particularly strongly or in a crisis or just want to communicate a strong feeling.

Daydream Your Way to Something New!

Debbie is on her way to work after the long holiday break. She’s thinking about what she did during her vacation and musing on a trip she’s planning for her next time off. She’s so caught up in these daydreams that she misses the turn off to her office building.

Why Trying to Feel Better Can Sometimes Make You Feel Worse

Nancy* tries to take good care of herself. She spends time with friends and family. She exercises and watches her diet. So what is making her feel so bad?

Dealing with the Sunday Night Blues

“Sundays are the worst,” says Janine*, who juggles a career, married life, and parenthood. “I think about all of the stuff I didn’t get done, and whatever good things happened over the weekend just disappear..."

Thanksgiving and Friends - Try this powerful combo

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” ― Elbert Hubbard

What's the Best Way to Deal with Sneaky People?

Unfortunately, most of us know someone who acts one way and secretly feels another; who lies or misleads us; who is manipulative, or passive-aggressive. Maybe it’s your “friend” who hugs you and tells you you’re the best, and then badmouths you behind your back. Or a sibling who guilt trips you into things you don't want to do. What's the best way to deal with them?

6 Steps to Treating the Pain of a Breakup

Nomar* was in love. He had never been happier. He and his girlfriend Marissa* were talking about living together and eventually getting married. Suddenly, without warning, Marissa told him that it was over. Nomar went from disbelief to incredible pain. How could he ever heal?