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When I was young, I often obsessed about what I looked like. Perhaps this happens to everyone, more-or-less. It is common to be a bit dissatisfied with parts of our body, our appearance, and our level of attractiveness. This dissatisfaction and concern especially comes out when we think about dating and becoming passionate with a partner.
As I studied attraction further, however, I came to understand that physical appearance was not the only aspect of ourselves that was attractive. Our personalities can influence how others see us (for more, see here). In addition, our confidence and social skills can spark attraction, passion, and intrigue in potential lovers (see here, here, here, and here).
Eventually, I also discovered that those "unchangeable" parts of our looks were not driving attraction anyway! Contrary to popular belief, a symmetrical nose, the perfectly proportionate figure, or a classic face are not nearly as important as the apects of yourself that are easy to change. The little things under your control are the most attractive characteristics of all. Read on for the research...
Mehrabian and Blum (1997) began their research with a simple idea - they wondered what physical features were most attractive to the opposite sex. More particularly, they wanted to discover the relative importance of stable features (e.g. body type and height) versus changeable features (e.g. grooming and clothing) in physical attractiveness. In essence, they wondered what combinations really made someone "attractive".
To answer that question, they presented 117 male and female university students with pictures of 76 partners of the opposite sex, varying in different physical features. They had the students rate the attractiveness of the people pictured and also measured their emotional responses. Then, through statistical analysis, the researchers figured out who was attractive – and why.
Their shocking finding was that, by far, the most attractive features fell under the category of "self care". These features were changeable aspects like good grooming, neat hair, nice fitting and quality clothing, good posture, and healthy weight. Essentially, the most attractive features about a person (male or female) is that they put forth some effort to shower, groom, select some nice cloths, stand up straight, and manage their diet a bit. No plastic surgery, major gym time, or extensive overhauling required.
Coming in at only one-third as important as "self care" were three other feature clusters - "masculinity", "femininity", and "pleasantness".
Overall, the VAST majority of features important to attractiveness are relatively easy to change. Just grooming, standing up straight, getting a decent wardrobe, and staying relatively healthy makes you attractive! Beyond that, being positive, pleasant, and friendly makes you truly alluring. Finally, if guys want to spend a bit of time in the gym, or women want to grow their hair and put on some makeup, then they can have the whole package. Again, no implants, botox, nose jobs, or facelifts required...
Being attractive is easier than you think. Just keep up with as many of these changeable features as you can.
1) Grooming – by far, the most important feature. Take some time to care for yourself. Shower, style your hair, and shave or trim where you need to. Be clean, neat, and smell good too. Grooming alone can make (or break) your attractiveness - and all it takes is a bit of time, effort, and a toothbrush!
2) Clothing – also important and a relatively easy fix is your style. The research says that three aspects of clothing are required to be attractive – neat, well fitting, and more formal. Put plainly, your clothes need to be clean, pressed, and well maintained. They also need to fit you well and flatter your shape. Finally, they should be a little classy. Don't be chronically "under-dressed"...buy some dressier gear. Also, the color red is a good choice (see here).
3) Posture – practice standing up straight. Hold your head up. Put your shoulders back. Buy some sensible shoes, a good desk chair, or a corset if you need to. Good posture is sexy. It also contributes to the right body language for dating and relating (see here).
4) Attitude – remember to put on a happy face. Smile. Be pleasant, positive, and friendly. Heck, a good personality can even overshadow other physical issues you may have (see here). So, be happy...and get a date or keep a lover.
5) Fitness – granted, this isn't as easily "changeable" as the others (at least for me). But, the research is not talking about the "perfect butt" or "washboard abs" anyway. Essentially, we're shooting for "relatively healthy" (e.g. not super obese, no severely protruding stomach, etc.). So, no need to obsess and go overboard. But, do your best to eat well, move around a bit, and care for your health. Good grooming, the right clothes, and standing up straight can go a long way towards minimizing what diet and exercise don't too!
6) Gender – generally, try to look masculine or feminine (depending on who you want to attract). To be more masculine, muscle up your shoulders and chest (or wear a nice, padded, sport coat). Grow a goatee, chin-strap, or beard to hide a weak jaw. To be more feminine, learn to properly apply makeup – accentuating your eyes and lips. Also, grow your hair longer (or just get extensions).
Who knew the Jersey Shore folks had the secret to attraction with G.T.L. (gym, tanning, and laundry). Although they can't seem to manage relationships (see here), they do have a point about taking care of yourself. You don't need a washboard abs "situation", or double D implants though...just a little time, care, and effort.
Groom well, buy some clothes that fit, stand up straight, smile, and be healthy. That's all it takes to be attractive, sexy, and get a date or mate. You can take the plastic surgeon off your speed dial now, stop obsessing...and go have some fun :)
Go to www.AttractionDoctor.com for more dating and relationship advice (in helpful categories)!
Until next time...happy dating and relating!
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© 2011 by Jeremy S. Nicholson, M.A., M.S.W., Ph.D. All rights reserved.