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Relationships
The Aftermath of Sexting
Working through the consequences of sexting.
Posted November 9, 2015
So many of today’s teens have grown up watching reality TV, exposing them to drugs, sex, violence and vulgar language. What teens see on reality television is far from the truth. Many reality show participants give up a piece of their privacy for the glitz and glam of a seasonal show. Plus these shows are solely for entertainment purposes. With teens growing up in this capture life on TV culture, is it any wonder they improperly use social media? Are teens trying to live their lives like they are the stars of a reality show? If so, that may be one explanation why many teens get involved in sexting.
According to research, approximately 39% of teens between the ages of 13-19 have sent at least one sext message and 48% have received one sext message. Of the teens who sext 63% said the photos were sent to a boyfriend/girlfriend, 29% said they sent them to somebody they were casually dating, 19% sent these photos to someone they didn’t know well and only met through a chatting app and 24% sent them to someone they only knew online. As for the reasons teens sext 49% said it was harmless fun, 39% said they did it to receive photos back, 16% thought it was a normal thing to do, 16% said they did it because everybody else was doing it and 13% said they were pressured into sexting.
If you think about it teens often seek attention, acceptance, and love. They get so wrapped up in the moment the thought of “what happens if this photo gets out” doesn’t cross their minds. This is especially true for a love-stricken teen who feels he/she is in a lasting romantic relationship. These teens often don’t consider what would happen to their pictures if there was an argument or breakup. Plus, getting caught by a parent or another adult is one of the last things on their minds.
When teens get caught sexting it can be one of the most embarrassing times in their lives. Humiliation and shame often come in the aftermath of the event. Over the past year, I have had some inquiries from teen girls who were involved in romantic relationships in which they sexted their partner. Unfortunately, they didn’t think before they sent their nude photos. Some of these young women were in relationships in which they feared if they didn’t sext their partner would leave them. Once they decided to break the relationship off they became worried about what their ex may do with their pictures.
By no means is the answer to this question an easy one. While it may seem like an impossible situation, it’s not. Below are some questions along with answers that teens in this difficult dilemma have posed.
Question 1: I've sexted and I am afraid my boyfriend will share my pictures if I break up with him. Should I stay in the relationship even if it’s not healthy?
Answer: No. Don’t stay in an unhealthy relationship, even if you fear your photos will be shared. No one deserves to be trapped in a toxic relationship. A healthy partnership is one of love, respect, and compassion. If you’re being forced to stay in a relationship out of fear, that’s not a relationship that you want to be in.
Question 2: I really don't want anyone to know what I've done, but I am afraid my pictures will get out. Can I just keep quiet and handle it on my own?
Answer: No. Don’t think you can handle the situation on your own. Odds are you have someone special in your life that helps guide you through difficult times. This person may be a close family member, a coach, teacher, counselor, or family friend and he/she wants to help you. Don’t let fear keep you from getting help.
Question 3: My pictures have been shown to others. Will I ever live this down?
Answer: Yes. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You made a poor decision, but you don’t have to let it control your life. Sure there may be some consequences, but that comes with the territory. It's okay to ask for help. For example, parents may have to be notified, and as horrific as that may sound, if it prevents your pictures from being leaked to hundreds, if not thousands of people, it’s worth it. This situation will most likely go down as one of your most embarrassing and humiliating moments, but it beats being miserable and living in fear of your picture being circulated to others.
Also while nude or semi-nude photos aren’t something you want found online, there could be worse things that could happen. Sometimes imagining the worst case scenario can help you put things into perspective.
Question 4: Do I have any rights or ways to protect myself?
Answer: Yes. Put on your cleaning gloves and get prepared to clean up, best you can. Ask the person to delete your pictures. If you go the route of talking to his/her parents they too can help clean up the devices. Odds are they don’t want their son or daughter involved in sharing a minor’s pictures. Why? Because, there are some legal repercussions from distributing pictures of a minor. In some states sharing indecent pictures of a minor is considered a criminal offense. Plus, if your boyfriend/girlfriend is blackmailing you, that too can become a legal matter. Also if you are being sexually exploited you can reach out to law enforcement or an advocacy agency to help you gather evidence and figure out the best course of action to protect yourself. So while you may feel powerless, you are not.
Conclusion
The best advice is to not put yourself in this awkward situation in the first place. Before sending a semi-naked or fully naked picture of yourself, it’s important to ask "Is this something I’d want my mom, dad, grandmother, teacher, friends or coach seeing?" If the answer is “no” then do not send the picture. But, if you have already sexted, don’t let the consequences scare you from making the right decision. Get help and learn from your mistakes.
