The Emotional "Trials" of Trial Independence (ages 18 - 23)

For many last stage adolescents (18 - 23) independence can prove too much of a good thing when they flounder in so much freedom, become stressed out, and experience emotional crisis as a result. At this juncture, parents can be of help.

Adolescence and Making Parents Proud

While the attached child tends to be happy to make parents proud, the detached adolescent can be more ambivalent about being a source of parental pride.

Protective Parenting an Adolescent

With all the media attention devoted to adolescents getting in trouble, getting hurt, and getting killed, it's hard for parents not to worry about their teenager and to act restrictively in her or her defense. However, the best protection parents can provide is self-management preparation for safely functioning in a hazardous world.

Adolescent Excellence and Managing High Expectations

When parents either support or encourage their teenager to have high personal performance expectations, they also need to provide guidance about how to manage their feelings when these outcomes are not met, as will sometimes occur.

Adolescence and the Dominating Friend

For many adolescents, after letting go the childhood dependence on parents, there is a need for a transitional dependence on an assertive and strongly defined same sex friend before feeling ready to rely more independently on themselves.

Re-clarifying Terms of Conduct at the Start of Adolescence

It is natural, and normal, and healthy for the beginning adolescent to test to what degree the old family demands and constraints of childhood still apply. It is natural, and normal, and healthy for parents to respond in the interests of the young person's safety and responsibility.

Adolescent Self-Management for a Successful Independence

A major goal of parenting high school age adolescents is helping them develop basic skills of self-management that will support more independence soon to come.

Helping Adolescents Keep Agreements

With more actively and passively resistant adolescents parents must work harder to get agreements made. Getting this habit of keeping agreements in place matters for healthy relationships with parents now, and for significant relationships later on.

Teaching Adolescents How to Manage Money

When parents neglect money management training with their child and adolescent, the lack can be expensive when they graduate a young person from their care who lacks a very important pillar of self-management responsibility.

Adolescence and Seeing What Can Be Gotten Away With

Growing up, adolescents sometimes test themselves by testing dangerous risks, family requirements, and social rules to see how much freedom they can get away with.

Adolescence and What Is Enough

Adolescence by it's very nature is an age of discontent where deciding what is "enough" in many facets of one's life can be very hard to do.

The Mutual Disaffection of Parenting an Adolescent

Compared with the mutual admiration society that tends to characterize the parent/child relationship, the parent/adolescent relationship can sometimes seem like a mutual irritation society as separation, differentiation, and opposition between them (all for growing independence) becomes more common, and necessarily so.

Older Adolescents and Mindful Alcohol and Marijuana Use

When parents know from the adolescent's past use of alcohol and/or marijuana that some degree of recreational substance use is likely to continue when living away from home, they can offer possible guide lines for mindful use the young person might be open to consider.

"Growing Differences" between Parent and Adolescent

It's growing differences between parent and teenager that allows adolescence to grow them apart, as it is meant to do.

Why Listen to Your Adolescent?

Listening to your adolescent has many benefits; not listening to your adolescent has many costs.

Answering Questions Adolescents Ask

As adolescents grow older, older questions come to mind that merit serious adult consideration in response.

Parent, Adolescent, and How Each Other "Turns Out"

Just as the adult child doesn't quite "turn out" like the parents expected; parents don't quite "turn out" as the adult child expected. And that has to be okay.

Adolescence and Homework

Homework is not only work for the adolescent, but for the parent who is now enrolled in seeing it gets done.

Parental Adjustment to the Adolescent's "Family" of Friends

As adolescents grow to independence, they grow an independent "family" of friends that can seem to compete with the importance of parents and biological family. Although parents can be less of a social priority during the teenage years, however, they remain an ongoing source of historical, current, and future love.

Emotional Detachment When Parenting Adolescents

When parents can model emotional detachment with their adolescent, the adolescent can learn by example to do the same with them

Between Parent and Adolescent: How Meaning Can Matter

To the extent you can, say what you mean and show what you mean. Meaning matters.

Why Adolescents Can't "Keep It All Together"

When entering adolescence, the old self-management system that was adequate for the simpler world of childhood is no longer sufficient to cope with the more complex world of growth toward individuality and independence that now begins.

When Adolescents Start Talking Less to Parents

At an age when the adolescent is more out in the world and parents need to know more, for privacy and independence sake the teenager is usually inclined to communicate less.

Teaching Adolescents

Teachers can contribute enormously to the lives of adolescents, but that contribution is not easy to make.

Adolescents, Independence, and the Sadness of Success

After so many years of self-sacrifice it takes to raise a child and then an adolescent, it can feel both glad and sad when independence day arrives and active parenting is done.

Why Attachment Parenting Is for Children but not Adolescents

Detachment Parenting an adolescent is usually harder than Attachment Parenting a child because holding on feels easier than letting go.

Adolescence and Expressive Inhibition

Adolescence creates an enormous opening for young people to try themselves out in a host of ways that become less easy to do once the burdensome adult years set in. To inhibit this expressive growth because of feeling inadequate or from social discouragement can cause later regrets at the opportunity lost.

Parenting and the Use of Physical Force

While in the emotional moment of frustration and anger it can be tempting for a parent to use some kind of physical force with a child, it is usually not wise.

Parenting and the Use of Corrective Violence

Use of corrective violence by parents not only injures the child, but also harms the child's ongoing relationship with the parent.

The Two Worlds (Real and Virtual) of Parenting Adolescents

Parenting adolescents now is more complicated than in the parents' day because back then the freedom growing up was only offline; but today it is online too.

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