If you are one of the countless numbers of people who have had difficulty achieving your stated goals, you are not alone. Don’t take it personally; it’s not your fault. Goal setting is absolutely valuable. Declaring to ourselves the ways we want to change our behavior, attitudes, beliefs, and even our thoughts is helpful. Then declaring these intentions that we have in order to bring about changes in our life, to others adds strength to our commitment to those goals. While there is no arguing that setting them and declaring them before witnesses is beneficial, there is an important and often overlooked component of the process of achieving success.
For most of us, that ability to reach our goals is more limited than we think it is. Our frustration is not because of any intrinsic deficiencies that we possess, but because we may be locked into unconscious patterns to which we have a stronger allegiance than we realize. If we fail to address the piece of the iceberg that is underneath the surface of our awareness, we miss the opportunity to identify the part of us that is resisting change.
If we can implement our goals, that’s great. The operative word here is “if". So often we can’t implement because there is another commitment hidden from view that needs to be addressed. You may have experienced the frustration of knowing what you think you need to do, being told what you need to do, wanting to do what you think you should do, and yet felt unable to do what you think you should do. This may leave you feeling How this frustrated, angry, doubting whether you’re really committed, inadequate, guilty, and ashamed. Consider these examples:
[Since it is not an option to force ourselves to reach our goals due to the other factors that are present and have a large impact, we need to search for alternatives. Consider the following to see if they will serve you.]
Here are a few guidelines that these people and perhaps you might consider in regard to identifying and neutralizing competing commitments when they prevent you from getting unstuck:
Bringing your competing commitments out of the shadow and into conscious awareness is the biggest part of the process and sometimes is itself enough to interrupt the denial that prevents us from seeing what else matters to us. As we open our mind to explore the depths of our inner feelings, our heart opens as well, as it does, we become more open to seeing new possibilities that can free us from the limitation of dualistic, either/or thinking. Like the bumper sticker says, “Don’t believe everything you think!”.
Linda and Charlie Bloom are excited to announce the release of their third book, Happily Ever After...and 39 Other Myths about Love: Breaking Through to the Relationship of Your Dreams.
“Love experts Linda and Charlie shine a bright light, busting the most common myths about relationships. Using real-life examples, they skillfully, provide effective strategies and tools to create and grow a deeply loving and fulfilling long-term connection.” —Arielle Ford, author of Turn You Mate into Your Soulmate
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