Balancing the Commitment to Self and Other

Balancing the commitment to self and other is one of the hardest things we do in a long-term partnership, requiring on-going calibration.

The Myth of Being Unlovable Part 2

For those of us who have been limited by the mistaken notion that we are unlovable, busting this particular myth with take us a long way toward well-being.

The Myth of Being Unlovable, Part 1

When we are feeling unloved, our mind makes up a story about how unlovable we are, filling in details about our supposed faults.

Holding the Mast in the Dark Night Sea Storm

When we fight, it can feel like we are adrift in a violent, dark night sea storm.

25 Things to Know About Your Partner Before You Tie the Knot

“If I knew that about him (or her) before we got married, I wouldn’t have been so quick to go ahead with the wedding".

The Art of Friendship in Marriage

Friendship is not always sweet, warm, and secure. There has to be room for confrontation and the darker parts of life.

If I Know What I Need to Do, Why Can’t I Just Do It?

While the desire for change is something that we are aware of, there is a counter desire that we may not be aware of to prevent change, regardless of what it is.

The Best Therapy Is a Great Relationship

At its best, psychotherapy creates a warm and understanding relationship.

Re-setting Your Happiness Set Point Part 2

What practices can raise your set point for happiness?

Re-setting Your Happiness Set Point: Part 1

“The purpose of life is to be happy” - His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Sometimes Togetherness is the Problem, not the Solution

The notion that great marriages are not about comfort and security isn’t news to those of us who have been married or anyone who has ever been in a stagnant relationship.

The Words That Can Make Your Relationship

One characteristic that sets blue-ribbon relationships apart is the tendency for both partners to live in a state of appreciation for all the ways they enhance each other’s lives.

Think Vacations Are Luxuries? Think Again.

Interestingly, the word “vacation” comes from the Latin “vacatio”, which means “freedom; release from occupation”.

What's Really Going on When We Fall in Love

"Lovers are those for whom no minute is like any other, people between whom nothing habitual takes place, just what is new, unprecedented, unexpected..."

Practice Doesn’t Make Perfect; It Makes Presence

“Just be present, show up, wake up, pay attention!” Everyone these days it seems, from yoga teachers to movie stars, to advice-column-writers, to Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, and Dr. Seuss are urging us to be present, as though it’s the easiest and most natural thing for a human being to do.

It Is Possible to Avoid Arguments: Part 2

Arguments can be avoided, and when we consider the futility of trying to resolve differences by efforts that are coercive, controlling, and manipulative, the motivation to learn more effective ways of dealing with differences can grow exponentially.

Honoring the Rule of Reciprocation

Most of us learn over time to go to great lengths not to be considered a freeloader or a parasite. The rule is so strongly ingrained in us that we can be vulnerable to having this tendency used against us by others who wish to exploit or take advantage of us in some way.

Yes, It Really Is Possible to Avoid Arguments: Part 1

When faced with a threat to our ability to influence or control our place in an important relationship, ancient fears can be activated that awaken memories or trauma from previous experiences in which others who possessed greater authority than ourselves may have exploited our vulnerability or dependency on them in ways that were hurtful or damaging to us.

6 Reasons Why Married People Should Have Better Sex Lives

The belief that singles have more and better sex than marrieds has become a cultural myth that researchers and sociologists are finding to be untrue, and coming up with some hard evidence to substantiate this claim.

Even True Lovers Sometimes Feel They’ve Fallen Out of Love.

Maybe I’m kind of crazy myself, but I can’t help it. Our relationship is the most important thing in my life and when we’re not in sync, it’s hell. And when we’re connected, it’s heaven.

Why Little Things Are Worth Getting Upset About

“Take it easy. Chill out. Relax. Cool down. Don’t stress out. Lighten up. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. It’s not a big deal.”

How to Rebalance an Out-of-balanced Life

As many of us have learned from experience, knowing what you “should” do, or what you have been told you “need to do” isn’t always enough to get yourself back on track to what it is that you really want to do.

The Crucial Factor in Making Real Change in Your Life

Disrupting just one unskillful behavior, for instance using silence to punish, or making critical, judgmental remarks, or being bossy by giving commands, can lead to a whole series of positive shifts.

Great Relationships Require Hard Work, But Not Forever

Relationships, we think, should not have to be this hard. Well, that’s true. They shouldn’t be relentlessly difficult, at least not on a permanent basis, otherwise who, other than a masochist would consciously choose to live in a state of perpetual struggle.

Consider These Terms of Engagement Before Your Next Argument

Remember that it’s not the differences themselves that damage the fabric of trust and respect in relationships, but the unskillful ways in which we react to them that do the most harm.

Schismo….what?

Trusting the possibility of reconciling even the most difficult of relationship impasses and knowing what that process entails, gives us the hopefulness and motivation to develop and practice new skills.

Marriage Preparation

The good news is that you don’t have to have had a great track record in the relationship department or in your personal family experience in order to develop the skills and character traits that enhance the likelihood of success in relationships.

Old Guys Rule!

It has been shown that children have a higher level of self-confidence when grandparents are involved. This stability can significantly affect children’s academic, psychological, and social development.

Is Love Really All You Need?

The Beatles were on the money with almost all of their songs, but on this one, I’m afraid that they got it wrong.

Is Technoference Wrecking Your Love Life?

Electronic devices are reported by many couples to be the source of arguments especially when used during meals and at other times when there is a hope or expectation that there will be an opportunity for meaningful interpersonal relating.

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