Visting a Mourner? What Not to Say

My mother just died. Some words of condolence are helpful and others not so much. Here is a list, with the help of other mourners I've encountered, of helpful things you can do, and what not to say.

Wanting To Be In The 5% Who Stay Together

Only 5% of my most recent survey participants in extramarital affairs wound up married to their lost love partners. One or both of them did not leave their marriages for each other. The affair ended, usullay not mutually. The members of my website have chosen this statistic as a personal goal: "I want to be that 5%." But this is a misinterpretation of survey findings.

It's National Purebred Dog Day

I have a rescued bird and a rescued tortoise. But I did not rescue my dog. I purchased her from a reputable briard breeder. I chose the family I live with. Shouldn't each person, each family, choose those whom they wish to live with for many years, rescue or otherwise, without moralistic criticism?

An 8 Point Lost Love Reality Check

A woman trying to recover from a lost love affair writes down reminders to herself so she can let go. Perhaps this can help some of you, too.

Lost Loves Reunited: Overcoming Obstacles

Couples who have successful lost love reunions usually had young romances that were working well, but then took a bad turn. These men and women may go through life wondering, "What if?" Years later, if those obstacles are gone and if the two are widowed or divorced, they can reunite successfully. Here is one love story.

With an Ex, Is It Ever "Just Lunch"?

Many happily married people want to see their lost loves. They firmly believe they can control their actions and not "cross the line" with sexual contact. Can they?

7 Myths of Lost Love Reunions

The friends and families of lost loves who reunited often tell them they must be crazy. They consult psychotherapists to sort out their emotions, and many discontinue therapy in anger. Here are some of the recurring complaints, myths, that even professional counselors believe about rekindled romances:

Your Lost Love Has Aged. Does It Matter?

A woman wonders: "How do men view their lost loves years later, after the weight has come on, and the wrinkles are showing? If the man were actually to become single again, would he REALLY want the older version of us? Or would he want a young, firm woman who is half his age?

10 Points About Lost Loves That Might Surprise You

Information that people interested in lost loves most want to know.

More on Birthparents and Lost Love: The Fathers

Young mothers who gave up children for adoption years ago often feel like they are missing a lost love. Vietnam veterans who fathered and left children behind after the war often have the same feelings.

Wanted: Calm, Happy Dog, Cat, or Rabbit for Therapy Team

Empirical evidence for the therapeutic value of animal-assisted therapy continues to grow. But many community facilities are stuck on waiting lists -- they want to start receiving animal-assisted therapy services, but there are not enough animal/handler teams.

"Buy an Amulet! Win Back Your Lost Love!" Really?

Sellers on the website taobao.com are offering amulets to win back lost loves. The Shanghai Daily reports that merchants are earning hundreds of thousands of yuan each month just by selling these amulets to people desperate to win back their former sweethearts.

Does Everyone Secretly Yearn for a Lost Love?

Comparing research participants who rekindled romances with lost loves with participants who did not reunite with lost loves showed surprising characteristics of these first love romances.

Is Your Dog Bonded to You Like a Baby?

The researchers found that when the owners were absent, the dogs were less likely to work for the reward than when the owners were present.

1950's Birthparents and Lost Loves: Some Similarities

Teen birthparents who were forced to surrender their children often grieve for their loss and search - just like lost loves.

Men ARE More Romantic

A new book reports on a survey of 100,000 participants and their "love at first sight" experiences.

Facebook "Surveillance" of Ex Partners Thwarts Healing

Research participants who spent a lot of time on an ex's Facebook page were less able to recover from the breakup than people who avoided following their lost loves online.

Did Pope Francis Have a Lost Love?

An unexpected lost love story. A young boy makes a promise, and keeps it.

Cold Feet Before the Wedding?

It's one thing to have last minute doubts about the person you are going to marry; it's something else altogether to have doubts because you really love someone else.

5 Points: Thinking About Someone You Love But Cannot Have

A thought experiment for the New Year, and some thoughts on choices, closure, and getting older

A Sense of Time

Life seems linear, as if we fall off a cliff or run out of calendar, but much of life is cyclical. Even some lost loves come back.

Lost Love Recovery: A Dialogue

Full recovery from a failed lost love reunion is possible. Renewing a marriage, even after a lost love affair is discovered, is possible. Not easy, but possible.

Lost Love Fantasy Gifts

Lost love themes have always permeated popular culture, from novels to films to TV shows; now it has a high price tag!

A Grandfather Clause For Affairs?

Couples who were broken apart years ago by situations (sometimes tragic) outside of the control of their initial romances sometimes feel like the person who preceded the marriage is not an affair partner, but the person they should have been with all along - a partner restored to them, an entitlement.

My Lost Love Is My ... It's Complicated Part 2

Even when people willingly let go of their lost love affair partners to recommit to their marriages, the women in particular have a lot of trouble reconnecting with their husbands sexually. That doesn't necessarily surprise me. What surprised me was the reason.

My Lost Love Is My ... It's Complicated Part 1

People often ask me, because they are married and they have decided to stop the affair, if they can be friends with their lost loves. Does this work?

Person or Place?

How much of the desire for the former sweetheart is desire for the whole package -- youthful excitement and hormones, family, familiar places, the zeitgeist of those years?

Lost Loves: Why Marriage Equality Is Important

There are multiple inequalities faced by people who cannot marry within Federal law -- more than 1,000. Here is one lost love story. *** June 26, 2013 Update! DOMA is gone! ***

In the Time Machine: Lost Love vs. Spouse

In a lost love extramarital affair, a decision between the spouse or lost love must eventually be made. What are some considerations to look at?

7 Tips to Know If Your Lost Love Reunion (Affair) Isn't Work

My book, Lost & Found Lovers (1997), is full of happy stories... But are you struggling in your reunion and often in crisis? How can you make sense of this discrepancy and evaluate your own chances for success?

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