Kristen Bell recently shared how her husband, Dax Shepard, was her wingman at the Golden Globes so that she could meet her celebrity crush, Riz Ahmed. This is a perfect example of a relationship where both partners are secure and completely trust that, even though one may find another individual attractive, it won’t challenge their fidelity. It's natural to see others as appealing, even when you're in a committed, monogamous relationship, but it is also important to remember that everyone’s physical appearance changes. People get older, sometimes they get sick. Beauty is not enough to sustain an ongoing romance. If you know in your heart that you're always the most important person to your partner, then even if they have flirtations and/or a crush it will enable you to tolerate your partner’s attention or interest in someone else without feeling threatened. So how do you get the trusting feeling that equips you to joust jealousy?
Make sure you take the time to tell and show one another how much they turn you on. If you are able to do this even when someone hasn’t taken the time to dress up (when they first wake up in the morning and are makeup free, or are playing with the kids and despite being covered in dirt from the backyard look so manly) it can mean even more because those are the real moments of living. They can bind you in intimacy because you are seeing each other through the eyes of love. Also, be aware of your partner’s likes and dislikes so that you can take them seriously. This will help them feel supported, cared about and understood by you, and help keep the air clear so tension doesn’t build. You don’t have to be the best looking person in the room, just the best in your partner’s eyes.
By following this recipe, you strengthen your bond so that you can buffer your relationship from other people coming between you. When you have a solid foundation and know that you both have each other’s back, it gives you the confidence to handle a passing flirtation knowing that’s all that it is, something that is in the moment and will pass. Whether it is meeting one of your high school first loves, an old flame from college, a new work partner, or anyone who might be perceived as a possible intruder, the two of you can remain impenetrable.
Another ingredient in the trust recipe is that when either one of you feels insecure and voices that, it is important to respond with a heavy dose of reassurance. Rather than getting angry, minimizing your partner’s feelings, telling them they are being ridiculous and continuing your behavior or ignoring them, instead let them know that it doesn’t matter how many people you are talking to because they come first and you only want to go home with them.
Everyone is drawn to other people at times, but attraction and intimacy are two different things. One is instant and the other takes time to develop. If you trust this, and know your connection runs deep, you will be better able to cheat any jealousy that might come up and move forward as a team that nobody can divide. It seems that Kristen and Dax have this recipe under their belts.
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