It’s sometimes true. My sex and intimacy clients teach me all the time through their openness in sharing their feelings. It happened again, just other day. I was in the middle of working with an extraordinary 40-year-old female client around building her “Pleasure Plan”. We were in the midst of talking about orgasms and self pleasuring as a way of her exploring and expanding her pleasure. I had given her an assignment during the session to experiment with during the week between our calls. The assignment felt really big for her, because she was like most people. Self Pleasuring (masturbation) followed the “Quiet and Quick Rule”. How quickly could she self pleasure and how quietly.
A married woman – she tried to sneak in her self pleasure around a husband not catching her.
We spoke about how she was treating her own sexuality the way a "not so polite lover" might treat her. She had never romanced herself before she took out the vibrator to “get off”. There was no sexy self talk, no hot bubble bath, no loving self massage with favorites oils. She didn’t even take the time to get undressed. She and I were laughing hysterically as we compared her treatment of her own vagina over and over again to that of an inconsiderate lover who just wanted to come and take what he wanted and get out. She never stayed with her own sexual excitement long enough to see if there was perhaps more pleasure to be found. After all, she had got what she had come for…why wait around to see if her body wanted more pleasure or not?
“I think I have a pleasure ceiling” my client said. Wow, I think she may have coined a brand new term: “Pleasure Ceiling”.
I loved the that just flew out of her mouth in a moment of epiphany. “I worry if I have too much pleasure that something bad will happen like I will stop being responsible or something. Or I will go off the rails. It’s not just sex it’s also food, or dancing – anywhere I have pleasure. I always cut it short. I have to be responsible and leave early so I can make sure that I won’t be late for work in the morning. Or worse – just ditch it all for pleasure. So I think I keep it under wraps.”
Holy Guacamole! My client had nailed it – and she was speaking for so people. We have installed “Pleasure Ceilings” because if we don’t, we might “go off the rails”. It’s such an interesting story that so many of us have created around our own pleasure. Somehow, if our pleasure goes too far – it will wreck our lives. Of course I am the Queen of removing pleasure ceilings and proving that it will not wreck your life – in fact it will transform your life.
My client and I sat with each other a while, and I asked her if she was going to be able to do her assignment of expanding her self pleasure the way discussed. She looked at me with her dark open eyes and said; “Sometimes I say to myself: Self – what made you think you can do this? Take it to another level? Experience something more? And then, I get kinda angry with myself! Why not? I’ve got the goods to do it! It’s about time! Well, why not me? It’s time to move my pleasure ceiling.”
So where are the “Pleasure Ceilings” in your life? Where are you frightened that if you moved them up higher, or break them down completely that something awful will happen? I promise you that things might change, transform and look different – that’s true. But I bet the view will be so much more beautiful with a sun roof.
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Do you want to know more about Pamela Madsen and her sexuality and intimacy programs for women? Please visit her website.
Have you read Pamela's Book? "Shameless: How I Ditched the Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner?"