Marta Meana Ph.D said it best: "Desire is the real female orgasm".

Everyone it seems wants sex tips. How to make love better. How to keep the hot in monogamy. How to turn a woman on. People come to me every day wanting to know "the secret". And it really starts with understanding that desire is the real female orgasm.

Here is the thing about great sex and female desire. I hate to disappoint, but the psychology of female desire has very little to do with sexual prowess. But it does take effort.

Show her that she inspires desire in you. If she can't feel your desire, she will probably not be inspired to have sex with you.

Women want you to really want them. How can you show her that you desire her? Use all your tools. Your words, your presence and attention, your actions, and your body.

Do you think you have her already? Put that idea on the shelf. Women are filled with shifting energy.

They need attention.

Show her that you care about her pleasure.

Let her know that you love her body. Tell her this more than you think you need to. Women carry way too much body shame, and you can turn her on by supporting her in feeling beautiful in her body. Don't just tell her that you care—show her.

Give her focused attention and presence. This is huge. If you don't give a woman your presence, if you don't show up—she may really wonder why she is having sex with you or even dinner!

Consider being a place she can lean into , a solid presence (there is that word presence again).

Do you want to have sex with a woman? Really hot, heart centered sex? Inspire her with desire!

Try on some of these "desire tools" and you might find a turned on, wild and free - ready to play sex goddess.

It's amazing what can happen with a few shifts in attention!

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Do you want to know more about Pamela and her "Back to The Body Retreat's For Couple's and Women? Visit here.

About the Author

Pamela Madsen

Pamela Madsen is the author of Shameless and founder of The American Fertility Association.

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