The "Pleasure Principle" is rising! Have you noticed? There are lots of self help coaches preaching the power of pleasure as a tool of wholistic healing and personal transformation - including me!

I know that pleasure is life transformation - because I lived it and everyone around me witnessed the changes in my being and my life. But sometimes I want to scream to all of us on the pleasure wagon - "Enough with the 'Pleasure Platitudes' - we have to give people some real skills on how to face their own personal obstacles to pleasure.

I didn't know that pleasure was healing - I just went on an adventure to try to figure out who I was as a woman.  It was a crazy, funny, out of the box journey that not many women would go on - but at the end of the day - I learned some incredible lessons that I can pass on without you having to go exactly where I went.

I would love for you to think about your own personal obstacles to pleasure.  Some of the favorites are:

1.Guilt - I don't deserve pleasure - there is too much to do and others have to come first.

2. Shame -  Sometimes we have shame around the source of our pleasure. What turns us own or our desires embarrasses us.

3. Fear - I think that this obstacle to pleasure can be very close to shame. I know that for me -  I was really frightened that if I truly embraced who I was as a sexual being that I would simply be too big sexually! That no one would be able to handle me or want me. That somehow I would make a spectacle out of myself.  I was frightened of my own sexuality.

Think about these possible roadblocks to your own true sexual pleasure. Do any of them ring a bell? Allow yourself to really think about how these obstacles are holding you back.  What are your triggers? Are you worried what your partner might think if you told him or her that you wanted to be tied up or wanted to experiment with sex toys? Are you feeling ashamed of needing something to help you spark your own desire

Often we have to start in a place of compassion with our own selves. If we really want to bring healing, fun and pleasure into our lives - we have to be able to forgive ourselves enough to let it in. This is not easy - but if we can raise awareness it's a beginning.

My advice? Go slowly. When it comes to sexual pleasure - we are not in a race! There is no finish line - really the important place is the moment. So go slowly, talk with your lover, ask permission and for help. If you are too embarrassed to go buy what might turn you on - ask your partner to help you.

And get support! Talk to your close friends, a sexuality coach and attend workshops! I did all of these things and it touched me so much that I have now made this an important part of my life's work.

Reaching for your true pleasure is not selfish. It is actually the opposite of selfishness. Once you create the time in your busy life - remove some of the obstacles to pleasure - you will find that your life begins to be filled with the benefits of pleasure!

The benefits of pleasure will spill out and over to your family, friends, and community. I promise!

About the Author

Pamela Madsen

Pamela Madsen is the author of Shameless and founder of The American Fertility Association.

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