I think that facing ourselves naked is one of the hardest things to do in the entire world. Especially if we're dealing with bodies that in our own mind are less than perfect. And, by the way -  I have yet to meet a human being on the planet  who thinks that they have a perfect body. Fat or thin - short or tall - the majority of us have had body shame one time or another in our lives.

One of the biggest obstacles to a healthy sexuality and pleasure is body shame. Healing and moving past body shame is probably the most important thing you can do for yourself. Once we can face our own bodies and accept the beauty of our form in whatever configuration we are in - we can then begin to connect our emotional self to our physical self which is an important step to living a whole life.

There are so many "Pleasure Activitists" these days  "Shouting find your pleasure!" from the roof tops! But how? Don't tell me to find my pleasure without helping me first understand the obstacles in my life to that pleasure! 

Most of us might not even be aware of what our own pleasure obstacles are in the first place!

If you want to figure out how to find your true pleasure - you are not only going to have to ditch the diets - and learn how to feed yourself emotionally and physically - but you are going to have to make friends with your pleasure machine which in case your didn't know is your body!

In my memoir, Shameless - I share how I spent so much of my adult life as a head without a body - I was really good at getting dressed without looking in the mirror. I could have gotten a job in a costume department at a film studio I was so good at covering myself up. I had getting dressed down to such a fine art that I could do it all except for the mascara in the dark! It was a long journey for me to be able to not only get naked- but to find my own beauty staring back at me in the mirror. You can do it. I did.  And yeah - it is a very funny and wild story!

One of the things that I did to heal my relationship with myself was to gradually get naked - and look in the mirror. It sounds simple - but it was terrifying and frankly I would have preferred having my teeth drilled. But I got over it, got naked and looked! And I did this over and over again for months.  This simple exercise help transform me.

You can do it too. Start slowly. Maybe you start looking in the mirror fully dressed - and begin by telling yourself something nice about your body. Maybe you can say "I have really beautiful hair" or "I deserve to have pleasure in my body just as it is".  You can create your own affirmations. Start with the easy stuff! "I have the most beautiful manicure today!" Spend about five minutes every morning when you can be alone with your body and a mirror to do this exercise.

When you are feeling like you can manage it - take off your shirt and look at your breasts  or chest. And begin those affirmations again! Thank your body out loud for serving you. Say nice things! Make them up if you have to. "What beautiful strong arms I have!" If you are feeling that you can add in a step - begin to touch your body softly as you tell yourself loving things. Consciously work to connect your eyes to your physical body, your emotional body and your pleasure centers by feeling the pleasure that your own touch can give you.

Everyday this exercise will get easier and easier. I know - I did it and I wrote about it! You can even read about how I got in front of that mirror naked! You won't believe it. But I am sharing it all with you. And you can take this part of my story home with you. Get naked.

I know that it's a big step to naked in front of a mirror and face yourself. But until we can honor and love the bodies we are in - right now - not after some diet or work out - finding our true pleasure is going to remain just out of reach.

So....Ditch The Diet! Get Naked! Soon you will be on your own way to finding your true pleasure! You might even write a book all about it. So Shameless!

About the Author

Pamela Madsen

Pamela Madsen is the author of Shameless and founder of The American Fertility Association.

You are reading

Shameless Woman

Demystifying the Transgender Movement

When did gender become the one thing that we're not suppose to change?

14 Crazy Amazing Facts About Female Sexuality

All babies have the exact same genital tissue when they are conceived.

On Being Female and Sexual Agency

Many woman still have no sexual agency inside their own culture.