Image used by permission of OMGYes
. . . and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.
-- James Joyce, Ulysses
Getting to Yes
Among women of a certain tribal village, the term most commonly used to describe an orgasm translates to something like, “Yes! Yes!”
It’s apparently world-wide. From James Joyce to When Harry Met Sally, something about that little word “yes” seems to connect to female orgasm in a deep way.
My guess is it’s because women have to learn in so many ways to say “no.” Cross your legs. Don’t make unnecessary eye contact. Don’t say yes on the first date.
Men don’t have that “no” thing going on so much. But for a woman to say “yes” in a whole-hearted way is a big deal. As my Australian colleague Katherine Feeney wrote on returning from her honeymoon, in a piece entitled Saying Yes to the Female Orgasm --
‘In a word, the female orgasm is ‘‘yes.’’ It’s a big, gloriously large, wet, wonderful, resounding ‘‘yes’’. You cannot achieve it unless you consent, and enjoyment of it may be significantly enhanced with a throaty intonation of the word. At least once in her sex life, a woman should experience the full and frank pleasure of releasing the word “yes” as loudly and for as long as her lungs will allow.’
That same word, over and over, all around the world. The pent-up tension of a lifetime’s worth of saying “no,” all rolled into one big “yes.”
Oh My God, Yes
If you're a woman who yearns to greet orgasm with a more full-throated “yes,” then 2016 may be a very good year for you.
OMGYes, a new interactive website that calls itself “a modern, hands-on exploration of women’s sexual pleasure,” arrived with the New Year. And it’s all about that three-letter word.
The site’s founders Lydia Daniller and Rob Perkins, working with sex researchers Debby Herbenick, PhD and Brian Dodge, PhD from Indiana University's School of Public Health and the Kinsey Institute, altogether studied the masturbation techniques of over 2,000 women. Based on this extensive research, they concluded there are 12 basic elements of clitoral pleasure.
In case you’re wondering, the twelve elements are “edging,” “hinting” “consistency,” “surprise,” “rhythm,” “multiples,” “accenting,” “framing,” “layering,” “staging,” “orbiting,” and “signaling.”
This is the first time the individual components of good clitoral technique have been presented in such an organized way. Each element has its own landing page, featuring interviews with several women who are keen on that element, followed by videos showing each woman performing the element on herself.
And finally, the piece de resistance: An interactive touch-screen where you can try the element yourself on a virtual image of each woman’s vulva.
Yes, you heard me right. Your hand and her clitoris, brought together by the interactive magic of the internet. That’s the other new thing this site provides.
Intrigued, I took the system out for a test drive this weekend. I reported the results in an article, "Taking Female Orgasm to the Next Level," on Huffington Post. Check out the article if you want to see what it's really like to use the program.
The interactive portion of OMGYes can be disconcerting at first. Tracing your finger across the vulva of a woman you’ve just met online isn’t something most of us are used to doing.
You have to have done your homework to make the thing work. If you don’t remember what each particular woman has already told you and shown you about what she likes, you’ll get nowhere fast.
The techniques each woman prefers are so specific and varied, that guessing will get you nowhere -- just like in real life. It's a good reminder that sometimes the best way to find out what turns a woman on is simply to ask.
Trying it Out
So what’s the best way for a woman or couple to try out this new system?
My recommendation would be to flip through the elements listed, and find one or two that speak to you. For instance, if the words “hinting” and “consistency” ring a bell, then go right to those two. The program is like an encyclopedia: too extensive to read cover to cover, but just right for zeroing in on what you need.
Resist the temptation to skip right to the interactive clitoral demonstration. Treat this like foreplay. Take your time watching the interviews at the start of each section. Then move on to the demonstration videos, before you go firing up the 2D interactive piece. You’ll find the experience richer and more rewarding if you’ve fully prepared for it.
If you find something in the program that you really like, then by all means share it with your partner. Watching your favorite sections together can be a wonderful idea. Or if you’re too shy for that, send your partner off with a list of clips you’d like them to see.
When your partner returns eager to share everything they’ve learned, be ready to give them a live interactive demonstration. Don’t be surprised if the result is a deeper and more valuable experience together.
As a sex therapist, will I be recommending OMGYes to couples?
It’s warm, wise, tasteful, and fun. I believe many couples will find this website valuable for taking their sexual communication to the next level.
Overall rating: Yes, Yes!
© Stephen Snyder MD New York, NY 2016