How to Love Someone Again After Infidelity

Couples that stay together after infidelity fall into three categories: sufferers, builders, and explorers.

What Turns a Man On? For Some, It's Feeling Desired

A man whose deepest need is to feel desired may be analogous to one who gets excited by wearing women’s clothing. Best to just chalk it up to sexual diversity and accept it.

Have Politics Ruined 'Fifty Shades'?

Christian Grey’s dominant tendencies worked as erotica during the Obama years. But many women may soon find egalitarianism and restraint looking better and better.

How to Use a Condom

Using a condom isn't as simple as you'd think. In particular, a surprising number of men can't seem to keep an erection with a condom on.

Saying Yes to Female Orgasm

The techniques each woman prefers are so specific that guessing will get you nowhere. A good reminder that sometimes the best way to find out what turns a woman on is just to ask.

The Trouble with Modern Love

We have many more choices than our parents and grandparents had, but this hasn’t made it any more likely that couples will find fulfillment. In many ways, it’s made it less likely.

Waiting For Pink Viagra

Can flibanserin (so-called Pink Viagra) really help restore women's sexual desire? There's only one way to find out. That's for the FDA to approve it, and for individual women to make informed decisions about whether to try it.

Why Does the Fifty Shades Movie Look Like Domestic Abuse?

In the theater, I realized that the idea of Fifty Shades just being fantasy and therefore innocuous doesn't completely work. Some of the fantasy on-screen struck me as too close to the things people put up with in real life.

What Matters Most in a Man?

I wonder what Jane Austen would think about Fifty Shades. Sure, she'd probably hate the prose. But if she got past that, she'd definitely be interested in what has and hasn't changed for women in the two centuries that divide Pride and Prejudice from Fifty Shades of Grey.

What's the Sexiest Thing About Fifty Shades of Grey?

For most men, a beautiful woman's body is an immediate turn-on. For most women, the response to a man's body isn't quite so automatic. But if in addition to having nice arms, he also has that aforementioned high-end stainless steel kitchen with a view of downtown Seattle, then things might get interesting.

Fifty Shades of Grey and the Tests of Love

Whether it's Edward in Twilight or Christian Grey in Fifty Shades, one of the hero's most compelling traits is his willingness to suffer for his beloved.

Why Do Married Men Pretend to Be Single Online?

It's puzzling that a married man would lie online and romance a young woman, knowing he's eventually going to break her heart. But there are lots of men doing just that. Why?

On the Confusion Between Sexual Fantasy and Reality

The ad showed a beautiful young woman dressed only in a sweater, her hair tossed over one eye. I couldn't decipher the expression on her face, because there was no expression at all. She did not look happy. I couldn't help thinking she looked as if she had been drugged. The hair covering half her face - What was it hiding? Where were the rest of her clothes? Who had them?
Photo credit:  pedrosimoes7 via Creative Commons

Pink Viagra: Sex for Pleasure, for Profit, or Both?

Most sexual problems have more to do with a woman’s environment than her biology. But there are also many women with loving, sexy, considerate partners who lose all erotic interest and we have no idea why.
The FDA Wants to Hear More About Women and Sex

The FDA Wants to Hear More About Women and Sex

I've heard all the arguments pro and con about whether as a society we should be dabbling in biological treatments for women's sexual problems.There are strong arguments to be made on both sides. But I'm biased in favor of innovation. I know lots of women with good relationships who've done all the right things to bring back their libido, and nothing has worked.

Charles Blow: "Up From Pain," Sex Abuse, and Bisexuality

I'd hoped in reading "Fire Shut Up in My Bones" to gain some new perspectives on bisexuality. But when I finished it, I realized it had mainly served to remind me how complicated sexual feelings are, how tightly they are bound up with a person's other struggles, and how humble we must be in trying to theorize about them.

Panda Love, Menopausal Whales, and Sex Over 50

There are only two kinds of mammals that live past menopause. Humans are one. What's the other?
Should You Be Dating Your LinkedIn Network?

Should You Be Dating Your LinkedIn Network?

Of course, we advise people NOT to mix business and romance. But something about this new Tinder-like dating app for LinkedIn intrigued me.
A Sex Therapist's Guide to Twitter, Part 1

A Sex Therapist's Guide to Twitter, Part 1

Most sex therapists haven't begun to scratch the surface of what's available on Twitter these days, even though it may be the best source for new information about sexuality.
Sex in the Kitchen

Sex in the Kitchen

"How are you different from a prostitute?" It's the most common question sex surrogates are asked. One says she struggled for years to frame a coherent response. Finally a colleague taught her the following analogy, which she's used ever since.

The Healing Power of Erotic Love

The goofy idea that eros might help heal a fractured world still probably occurs now and then to young couples discovering the paradise of shared sexual pleasure for the first time. It's an idea we probably shouldn't let vanish completely.

More on Parenting a Non-Girlie Girl

People smile indulgently at a tom-boy girl. A sissy-boy doesn't elicit the same kind of indulgence. Some of us get to choose whether to play dress-up or baseball. Some of us don't. It's not exactly fair. But neither are most things where gender is concerned.

Sex Surrogate from "The Sessions" Tells All

After reading An Intimate Life, the autobiography of sex surrogate Cheryl Cohen Greene, I asked Cheryl if she'd be willing to be interviewed for this column. We ended up talking on the phone about sex, surrogacy, the movie, disability, and a host of other subjects.

Sex Research Takes a Strange Turn

Culture in the developed West has become much more tolerant of sexual differences. The arc of sexual culture is long, but it bends toward diversity. Female bisexuality has had a seat at the table of acceptable diversities for awhile. Male bisexuality is now waiting for a seat at that table.
Bisexuality: Out of the Closet at Last?

Bisexuality: Out of the Closet at Last?

We may be seeing the beginning of a new era in sex research—one that will challenge sexual categories that have been around forever.
She's Too Hot to Handle

She's Too Hot to Handle

The fact of women's extra erotic potential is not lost on their male partners. Will he really be able to satisfy her? Did her last partner satisfy her more completely? After he's given her all he's got, will she still be hungry for more?

What's the Matter with "Nice Guys"?

Robert Glover wrote the definitive self-help book for nice guys in 2000 with "No More Mr Nice Guy"—a sort of field guide to the American Nice Guy. The Joaquin Phoenix character in the new movie HER is fairly representative of the species. It turns out that nice guys don't far any better in the future than they do today. What exactly is their problem? Let's see.

Why Is Male Bisexuality Like the Higgs Boson?

The mental health field has historically had a bad habit of mistrusting what people say about their erotic feelings. Now that we know for sure that the Higgs Boson of complete male bisexuality exists, let's see if we can believe our patients about other things as well.

Two Roads to Orgasm

Most of us are capable of having orgasms without too much arousal. The right friction in the right spot can often be sufficient. But the result is usually rather disappointing.

Do Women Like Casual Sex?

When does feeling sexy lead to a desire to have sex? Obviously it depends. But as my friends and I discovered at fifteen, it seems ordinarily to depend on a lot more things for women than for men.