I have a client I will call Daniel, a religious man and married father of two, who regularly hires prostitutes, has sex with hitchhikers, and downloads porn in his home office while his wife and children are asleep down the hall. And yet Daniel is not convinced that his sexual behaviors are out of control. He thinks he's "just horny." He has come to me to deal with the rejection he feels from his wife--who shuns his several-times-a-day sexual advances.

Men and women like Daniel often minimize compulsive, high-risk sexual behaviors until their actions create such chaos that they can no longer deny they have a problem. They need help recognizing the difference between healthy sexuality and sexuality that is destructive and shaming.

Below is a list of signs and consequences that tell you you are not in charge of your sexuality-your sexuality is in charge of you.

Sign #1: You fall behind on the job because of all the hours you spend watching porn, cruising Craigslist personals, or visiting prostitutes during your lunch break that stretches well into the afternoon.

Consequence: You miss out on promotions and raises, drag down colleagues depending on you for your participation in team projects, or worse yet-you get fired when your boss gets sick of you just not doing your job.

Sign #2: You look forward to the times you know your husband and kids will be out of the house--so you can masturbate to porn or visit chat rooms.

Consequence: Your spouse, or God forbid, your child, comes home early and finds you in front of the TV in the family room, masturbating to porn.

Sign #3: The high you get from hooking up with anonymous sex partners envelops you in a kind of "bubble." Common sense evaporates and you have unprotected sex-with multiple partners.

Consequence: You get an STD. You pass that STD on to your partner.

Sign #4: You become depressed, anxious, or irritable when you can't get your sexual "fix."

Consequence: Your mood and distractibility cause problems in your marriage and creates distance between you and your kids.

Sign #5: You demand sex from you partner multiple times a day. You coerce her into performing sex acts she finds degrading. You coerce her into having sex when she feels ill.

Consequence: She leaves the house, or starts sleeping in a separate bedroom to get away from you.

Sign #6: You are in a position of power that you routinely abuse by making unwanted sexual advances towards someone who may be afraid to turn you down-your employee, babysitter, or student.

Consequence: You lose your job, marriage, and standing in the community. Criminal charges may be brought against you.

If you identify with even one of these signs and consequences, get help now-before your job, marriage, or your life are beyond repair.

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