"Arrayed in decent black; occupying a conspicuous pulpit; intent on bible leaves; what a candidate for an archbishoprick, what a lad for a Pope were this mincer!"

Herman Melville, Moby Dick

Breaking News: Forced celibacy may lead to aberrant (and abhorrent) sexual behavior.

The Archbishop of Vienna, Christoph Schonborn, has caused a stir by suggesting that there may be a connection between the anti-erotic teachings of the Catholic church and the sexual abuse that has permeated Catholicism for centuries. Slow down there, Archbishop Schonborn, don't rush to any hasty conclusions! Next you'll be telling us that the Earth isn't the center of the universe, that women are as close to God as men, or that condoms can protect against AIDS. Not sure how much truth "the flock" can digest in just one century.

But never mind the rationality, while Archbishop Schonborn bravely states the obvious, Father Gabriele Amorth, the Vatican's chief exorcist (and president of the "Association of Exorcists"—seriously), is decrying the satanic infiltration of the Vatican. He holds that the recent spate of paedophilia, murder, and male prostitution rings are signs that "the Devil is at work inside the Vatican." Indeed he is.

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