The Inheritance

At midlife, many of us begin to lose our elders. Some of those relationships are clean and easy; some are more complicated. What can you find of value in the loss?

One Footfall at a Time

Though change can be anxiety provoking itself, it’s also an opportunity to upgrade and renew your vision for your future.

Way Leads to Way

Every path has its plusses and minuses, right? And you can only ever “run” on one path at a time.

The "E" in SHINE

Einstein said, “There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”

The N in SHINE

“If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life.” --Abraham Maslow

The "I" in SHINE

To build a friendship with someone, you have to BE someone YOU like. The number one thing you need to have in place in order to have good relationships with other people is solid self-esteem.

The "H" in SHINE

The narrative of who you are has been a carefully designed structure, built on the foundation of your history and your relationships. But WHAT IF you are more/other/beyond what you know yourself to be.

The "S" in SHINE

To see the world through the eyes of a foreigner, or a beginner, we have to remember that we really aren’t experts at living—we are experimenters. We aren’t expected to know what we don’t know, to understand what we don’t understand, or to have an edge on anyone else. And this is oddly both disconcerting and freeing.

When Things Don't Go As Planned

Victor Frankl said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” He’s right, right? We have to look at what we have power over: Us. Especially the older we get, as we realize we don’t have forever to grab hold of life and REALLY live it, we have to make the ecosystem of our inner life a healthy place to live.
When Loss Rattles Your Confidence

When Loss Rattles Your Confidence

If and when you lose something or someone so crucial to your orientation in the world that you feel you’ve lost your very self, consider being especially kind to and gentle with your heart. This loss, whatever it may be for you right now, is major, life-changing, self-changing. And it must be treated with great respect and kindness.
Being Misunderstood is Painful

Being Misunderstood is Painful

How you respond to being misunderstood will be the difference between spending a good deal of time trying to correct other people's misperceptions or being free to carry on with your life no matter what others think of you.

What Are You Waiting For?

Getting older doesn't have to mean the end of your dreams. With a little intention and commitment, you can run your best races—even at a late age!

Take a Well-Earned Rest

What are you trying to prove when you keep going at full pace even when everything inside of you is crying out to slow down and rest? Take a moment to ask yourself what would happen if you stopped moving long enough to heal and recover when you're hurting.

Fighting the Seasonal Blues

If you are someone who fights the seasonal blues, you will know what I mean when I speak of the feeling of dread that comes when you look outside one October day and see nothing but endless drizzle. The inside of you drizzles too. There is a way to stay tethered to who you know yourself to be in lighter days.
When Everyone is Faster than You

When Everyone is Faster than You

How can a person really find her own pace in life—the one that fits only her—when the crowd she runs with is on a different schedule? It isn't easy to watch your peers pass you by. So it becomes important to pull over, slow down, and dig for the inner wisdom that speaks ONLY TO YOU. Only you can know what your pace/goal/need is.

Defying Age Authentically

Do you fall prey to looking in the mirror and lamenting the deepening lines around your eyes? Do you spend extra effort shopping for bras that lift and shape, or frequently wonder if your outfits are out of date or if they're trying too hard. There is an authentic, less self-critical way to feel rejuvenated.

From the Boston Marathon

There's absolutely nothing like the Boston marathon with its thousands of runners and hundreds of thousands of spectators lining the course.

Struggling to Reach Your Goal? Take a Break!

Any major goal you set for yourself will require you to push through resistance, maintain a certain level of commitment and energy for the project that you may not always feel, and work harder than you've ever worked before. It's inevitable that at some point you're going to feel exhausted and discouraged. What's the cure?

You're Standing at the Starting (Over) Line!

It's a simple process, but it works to move you toward your goals because the focus is not on changing anything essential about yourself. There's no need to shame or condemn yourself for past failures. The key is breaking your goals down into bit-sized pieces.

Grieving During These Holy Days

No prayer, no words, no therapy can take certain kinds of pain away. The only thing that can be done is to learn, over time, and with much inner work, how to live in relationship with it.

Running Away from the Holiday Blues

While many people delight in the holiday season, others of us struggle every year. Dark days, social pressures, and sad memories can leave us flattened. But we can take a page from marathon running to get us through.

When is Quitting a Good Option?

Finishing what you start is typically considered a mark of good character, but finishing something in spite of the fact that there may be good reasons for quitting can indicate compulsiveness. How do you know when to quit versus when to press on?

The Trilogy of Your Life

Knowing what to call our experiences can be a powerful catalyst toward gaining insights regarding our past and discerning wisdom for our future.
Self-Medication or Self-Soothing

Self-Medication or Self-Soothing

There are many ways to manage regular, low-grade depressive symptoms. At midlife, when transitions are everywhere on the horizon, it's more important than ever to find some effective self-soothing techniques.

Training for Life

We often begin new roles or habits with a sense of being an imposter. But the more we practice, the more authentic we feel.
Swallowing Bugs

Swallowing Bugs

While we can't live in constant readiness for surprise negative experiences, we can improve our ability to bounce back effectively.

Anything Worth Doing is Worth Doing Badly

In this life, we sometimes do what we do because we do it well. Other times we partake in an activity or engage in a task because it is worth doing.

Aversions and Strong Dislikes

What do you do when you have a strong aversion to a particular task or experience? Do you avoid it? Gut through it? Why not try simply attending to it?
Differentiation to the Rescue

Differentiation to the Rescue

One of the most important qualities you can cultivate so that you have a reserve when you most need it is something called "differentiation." This concept has to do with how susceptible the "self" is to group think or group pressure.
Finding Your Team

Finding Your Team

We all need community. When you've been plugging along in this marathon of life for a while, you get tired. You've been laboring to keep your desired pace. And then, on an extra steep hill, fatigue and self-doubt set in. What you need are people who can surround you with “acknowledgement and acceptance,” as Dr. Estes says.