How Women Refer to Their Ex’s Without Using His Name

If your marriage has gone up in flames, fuelled by grief, pain and acrimony, speaking or even hearing the name of your former spouse can become a trigger for all that was lost.

Getting Through the Holidays After a Break-Up

It’s amazing how much loneliness and loss can hurt but the whole zeitgeist of the holidays is about being together in happy families. So what do you do?

Fifteen Quirky Stress-Reduction Tips

Sometimes you need to lighten up and inject some play in your life. Some light and fun suggestions to make the day flow!

How to Tell the Kids You’re Getting Divorced

Divorcing parents meet with me because they worry terribly about the effect that learning of divorce will have on their kids. They want to know the specifics, of course, such as when is a good time to tell, who should do the telling, and what should be said. But beneath those practical inquiries lies the real reason for the session – will my child be okay?

Anxiety Lies

Anxiety lies. It takes advantage of us because we’re vulnerable. It has all the moves. It makes us feel weird and strange in our bodies. It makes us question whether we are going mad. It gives us sensations that we don’t understand and makes us think that the only possible reason we are feeling those things is because something has gone terribly and irreversibly haywire.

Why is Mary Such a Bitch to Edith?

Beautiful, stylish, powerful Mary should really be secure enough in her own identity that she doesn’t need to diminish poor struggling Edith in order to confirm her superiority, yet she does. This sub-plot mirrors the truth about what goes on in many families, where often an older sister is ruthless in her need to keep her rival’s head below water so she can shine.

The Valentine’s Day Bomb

I say, let’s bring back the fun in Valentine’s Day! Let’s make Valentine’s Day be about love in all its incarnations. Let’s throw love at our friends, family and dog, and do something special for them, even if it’s just a phone call. Let’s make an effort to smile at strangers and warmly thank the guy in the café when he hands you your coffee.

Take Back the Holidays!

I know this time of the year really sucks if you’ve been left or if your marriage has ended. Everything feels different and the fantasy that the rest of the world is happy only makes your gloom, well, gloomier. But sometimes, we have to go ahead and do things, even though we don’t feel like it, saying, “This is MY life and I’m going to celebrate Christmas if it kills me!"

To Get Free of the Past, You Need to Stop Asking “Why?”

When something bad happens – when we are hurt or disappointed – it’s the most natural thing in the world to ask oneself why. But when asking “why?” colonizes our minds and goes from an inquiry to a nagging lament, we risk getting stuck in the need to find an answer that will probably never come. Instead we need to get comfortable in the “not knowing.”

Woman’s Marriage/Man’s Marriage: Two Different Worlds

Women go into marriage for the marriage. Men go into marriage for the woman. For the woman, it’s a combo, a package deal. You get the house, the stuff, the kids and the guy. For many men, however, the woman is central. He may love his house and his kids, but men often tell me that their primary want is pretty simple: they just want their wife to be happy.

Dating After Abandonment

On the subject of dating again after abandonment, women often tell me that they are not looking to meet anyone because they’re not ready. Months, years go by while they’re waiting to become ready. If you’re a cautious women like one of these, I suggest you need to start before you’re ready. The act of getting out there makes you ready.

My Husband Was Abducted by Aliens!

When a departing husband re-writes history, a woman needs to trust her memory of their lived experience. Words have tremendous power, particularly when your husband is adamant about his revisionist view of your life together, but it is important to locate your own reality of that life and hang on to it.

I Love You but I’m Not in Love With You!

“I love you but I’m not in love with you”. It’s the one sentence that has ended more marriages than any other – this declaration that what was once a juicy plum of a relationship had withered on the vine. Sometimes the person being told knew it without knowing; had been aware for some time that there wasn’t much flash in the eye anymore. Other times he or she was clueless.

Do People Tell You That You’re Too Sensitive?

Many of us just can’t tolerate other people’s anger. We get confused and flooded, vulnerable to feeling like a bad person. Emotion takes over, jamming our thinking processes. That awful feeling gets way too big and makes us respond from a defensive position that is usually unreasonable, in the true sense of that word.

33 Erroneous Beliefs that Limit Women Following a Breakup

I challenge you to have the courage to fight limiting negative beliefs and do whatever it takes to create a future for yourself. No doubt, you’re sad. No doubt, you may be hurting. But that doesn’t mean that you permit yourself to define yourself as a helpless victim. Reach for the light! Pour some steel in your spine and fight for your happiness! I know you can do it!

Does Your Family Take Advantage of You?

Women swell with pride when someone says what a “good mother” we are, what a “good wife”. But what does that mean? It means, selfless. Putting everyone else’s needs before our own and feeling good about that – like that’s what a woman should be doing. The last thing a woman wants is to be called selfish – it’s the meanest curse.

What “Life of Pi” has to do with Heartbreak

Most women who have gone through the lonely journey of refashioning their lives following wife abandonment are able, like Pi, to reach down to the depth of their souls and, in the midst of destruction, find strength and a new meaning to their lives. It takes the hardest things in life to force us to locate that iron determination to fight for our survival.

3-D Parenting

Can you assume a parental role, which means getting comfortable with the fact that you cannot and should not make a perfect life your child? That you can expect more from him and give him more responsibility for solving his own problems, with you as a sounding board, not as the solver? Can you square your shoulders and pour some steel in your spine?

Eight Bite-Sized Thoughts About Life to Nosh On

When I was in training to be a therapist, they taught us that giving advice was not part of the job description, but I don’t always do what I’m told. Here are 8 tips I couldn’t resist sharing with my clients, and I thought it would be worthwhile to share them with you.

Tit for Tat!

In highly competitive couples, every gesture is marked on a giant scoreboard. “Look at all I do for you! Now, you owe me and should do for me!” but frustratingly, the other doesn’t see it the same way.

Don’t Touch Me—I’m Your Wife!

When a woman’s body shuts down and is no longer receptive to her husband’s touch, sex becomes a psychological wrestling match, with her avoiding and him bewildered and unsure how to proceed.

Letting Go or Letting Be: Grabbing Back Your Life from a Broken Heart

We need to accept that there are things in life that just trail off. A sense of closure, or coming full circle, is a luxury that we’re not always lucky enough to enjoy. It’s the continual search for closure keeps you stuck.

He’s Not Ignoring You – It Just Didn’t Register!

Women’s minds work differently from men’s. When Carole walks in the kitchen, the dishes in the sink are screaming at her, “Wash me! Wash me!” She won’t be able to relax till the sink is clean and the work is done. But it’s different for Henry. If he were living on his own, he’d have no problem leaving them till tomorrow.

What I Learned From Watching 'The Bachelor'

I’d always assumed that most women view relationships with a healthy dose of reality—that there is no Prince Charming and that there is no such thing as a perfect love. But watching the finale and the reactions of the women across America, like Sleeping Beauty, I woke up.

Lost and Found: Women’s Identities Within the Family

Women are so phobic about feeling guilty that they’re much happier making sacrifices than having to face the guilt of people complaining about their choices. The worst thing you can call a woman is selfish. But when you think about that word – self-ish – isn’t it about taking care of your self?

Some Secrets to a Good Night's Sleep

Don’t Believe Anything You Think Between Midnight and 6am. One thing’s for sure, your thoughts are distorted in the middle of the night and whatever it is you’re chewing on will not seem so bad when the sun is up.

The Moment You Learned of Your Parents' Divorce

We really need to shine a light on that turning point – that divorced family’s rite of passage – the revelation to the kids that the marriage is over. This is unchartered territory for parents. They often prepare their kids more for their first trip to the dentist than they do for the revelation of their parents divorce.

If You’re Married and Your Sex Life Sucks – Act!

Most marriage counselors know that the biggest problem people face is avoidance. Many couples don’t know how to talk to each other about painful sensitive topics, so years go by with both of them skirting around issues until something breaks and the bitterness spills out.

The Simplest Way to Reduce Stress

Here’s a very simple suggestion that makes a huge difference in reducing stress. Whatever you’re doing, don’t rush. That’s it. Don’t rush. That means that you schedule enough time to get wherever you’re going ten minutes early.

Seven Steps for Moving Forward When Your Relationship Ends

The experience a break-up is so intense, whether of a marriage or a more casual relationship, that it locks us in the present moment of suffering, making it hard to see the potential for happiness in the future.

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