Source: (c) tony4urban www.fotosearch.com
(c) tony4urban www.fotosearch.com
Source: (c) tony4urban www.fotosearch.com

"No politics at the dinner table!" That's sad.  What happens politically impacts us all. Yet political differences can easily strain family and friend relationships

Why do political differences create tensions? 

Any differences between people can trigger desires to convince the other to 'see it my way!'  Convincing, however, can create relationship rifts.  Better to  simply share perspectives if you want to sustain a gratifying relationship.

The impulse to convince others of the rightness of your view—and the wrongness of theirs—gets all the stronger when an issue feels important. Political actions strongly impact people's lives, i.e., their financial status, how much government programs will either help or hinder them, whether our citizens will be safe from physical danger with regard to guns, terrorism, international enemies, etc.

Some people are able to allow others to be different. Open-mindedness takes patience. It takes willingness to give the other person the benefit of the doubt, that is, to assume that there is something valid in their viewpoint as well as in yours. It also ability to keep emotions in the calm zone. 

Do you try to convince others that your view is the best and only correct perspective? Or do you prefer collaborative dialogue?

Here are eight effective sentence-starter words plus three phrases to avoid. Take these lists seriously if you want to smooth the ripples and rifts in your political conversations. 

Good to use:

  1. Yes. "Yes, that's a serious concern for me as well."
  2. I agree that... "I agree that policies and personality both are important to consider."
  3. What... e.g., What do you think might...? 
  4. How... e.g., How do you feel about...?
  5. My concern is...
  6. What are your concerns in considering who to vote for?
  7. And at the same time... Yes, I agree that higher taxes are unappealing and at the same time...
  8. Good point.  For sure.  That's important. ... and other positive words of agreement or appreciation.

Avoid at all costs:

But...

No, that's not so.

I disagree.

Aim for additive dialogue

The eight safe sentences-starters keep dialogue flowing cooperatively.  They offer information without attaching an "I'm right; you're wrong!" emotional tag. They also facilitate listening with "the good ear," that is, with an intention of finding something that you can agree with. 

The starter words also avoid oppositional positioning.  For instance, if someone tells you that what you have said is wrong, or dismisses what you have said by deleting it with "but," you are likely to defend yourself or to counter-attack.

Learning skills for cooperative political dialogue trains you for handling all life disagreements cooperatively.  Sound good?

Are you up to the challenge? Willing to give it a try? 

Stay calm and positive.  While sustaining cooperation is likely to feel difficult at first, 'tis the season to get practice.

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Source: (c) Susan Heitler

Susan Heitler, PhD is author of the book on collaborative communication skills called The Power of Two.  Her latest book, Prescriptions Without Pills: For Relief from Depression, Anger, Anxiety and More, adds further tips for keeping potentially adversarial conversations collaborative, friendly and gratifying. 

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