Most people feel guilty, and appropriately so, if they find themselves preoccupied with sexual thoughts about someone other than their partner.  Even worse, no one wants to have their mind filled with terrifying suspicious thoughts that their loved one is emotionally or physically involved with someone else. Infidelity, emotional or physical, wounds and can kill a relationship like a knife in the heart can destroy a person. 

Hold on.  Don't panic.  There's much you can do about these thoughts.  And, while prevention is almost always a preferable route, healing after affairs is possible.  The old relationship may die, that is, may never live again in quite the same way.  Yet a new and better one can arise in its place. 

An end of your relationship as you knew it offers the opportunity to heal together, and to rebuild a new relationship far better than what the two of you had with each other before.  You can learn how to stop arguing and how to build the healthy relationship of your dreamsDivorce the old marriage, keep the same partner, and build anew.

The following podcast offers a series of questions and answers covering many aspects of infidelity, beginning with what to do if you are harboring suspicions that your spouse is having an affair.  I hope you find it useful.   podcast download: please click here 

I have written several prior posts on infidelity and on healing after affairs as well.  Recovery from Affairs discusses the healing process.  This post on prevention addresses prevention of the three main marriage-killers: affairs, addictions and anger.  Here's more on 5 warning signs of potential for inadvertent fidelity.  Also, you might want to check out this website, from the folks who taped the above podcast .


Denver clinical psychologist Susan Heitler, Ph.D. is author of the book The Power Of Two: Secrets to a Strong & Loving Marriage., plus a workbook and a fun website that teach the skills for marriage success.

Recent Posts in Resolution, Not Conflict

Should You Use This Word? It Decreases Your Effectiveness

A common yet potent word can seriously undermine you; it also antagonize others.

How to Feel Better When You’re Feeling Bad

Buddhist-inspired wisdom for navigating difficult times.

Your Inner Monkey: Learning From Your Way-Way-Back Past

Our animal ancestors can teach us much about how we live our lives now.

Great Leaders: The Secret That Freud Understood

What was Freud's vital insight about groups and leaders?

How to Heal After Upsets: A Safe 4-Step Route to Recovery

Learning from past couple upsets can turn the curses into blessings.

Marijuana Use By Kids and Teens: Parents, Pay Attention!

Two adult cases of pot's impacts offer wake-up calls about long-term harm.