When Trauma Disrupts Love

When intimate partners understand the difference between normal reactions to crises and exaggerated, anguishing and lingering responses, they can help each other heal.

The Myth of Romantic Expectations

When love is new, we reassure partners with romantic phrases, but do new lovers promise too much?

10 Questions to Help You Tell If You're Ready to Commit

Men and women have new ways of looking at what commitment means for them. Here are some “readiness” guidelines to help decide whether a long-term relationship is for you.

Are You Withholding Love?

Are you a love with-holder? After failing in love, many people turn into cynics. Here are 2 common ways people keep love at bay after being emotionally wounded, and how to change.

Is This True Love?

How do you know you’ve found your true love? Here are 9 experiences from long-lasting couples who say they know they’ve found their soul mates.

Is Lying Part of Loving?

The idea that lying occurs in all intimate relationships may be hard to accept. Maybe harder to acknowledge, some of those lies may actually be necessary for love to thrive.

Contrasting Expressions of Love

Do you and your partner express love differently? Understanding and welcoming your unique expressions of love can create a magical, long-term relationship.

14 Secrets to a Great Relationship

Beyond mastering the skills of quality interactions, learn how to practice a way of being with your significant other that is both emotional and reverent.

Can Texting Sabotage Emotional Intimacy?

Texting keep lovers in constant contact, but can it really communicate what true intimacy?

Rigid Gender Roles: Enemies of the New Intimacy

Whether in straight or gay relationships, what was once the established status quo of the male role as dominant and protective, and the female role as supportive and adaptive, is rapidly transitioning.

Touch and Go Relationships – Do they have to be Superficial?

How can we rise above when new intimate relationships don’t pan out, and multiple failures take their toll on optimistic expectations.

7 Things You Must Do to Keep Believing in Love

If you are like most people, you were much more vulnerable and open when you started experiencing intimate relationships than you are now. Before the disappointments and heartbreaks that you’ve most likely faced, you were more willing to enter your partner’s internal world with reverence and unbounded curiosity, and opened your heart and soul to that lover.

Too Many Choices

We are literally turning ourselves into obsessive-compulsive comparison shoppers as we try to wade through the astronomical array of possible choices of experiences, relationships, material goods, and advice that is literally at our fingertips. We can even rate the raters and compare the comparisons. And yet, we still have trouble trusting the final outcome because there j

Haven’t We Met Before?

They are sane and rational beings, who reveal their stories with understandable discomfort. But, once they know that I am open and receptive, they share them with evident relief and passionate explanations. They are so glad to find someone who does not think they are crazy.

Coming Home – When Old Loves Rekindle

Old loves can come together again and be happier than ever.

Couple’s Alert - Is Your Love Dying?

By the time I see couples in therapy, they are often at a breaking point. Frustration tolerance is at an all-time low, and a love that once had such hope is floundering badly. We have to get through layers of disillusionment, anger, and hurt to see if there is anything worth saving at all and if both partners want their relationship to heal.

Are You Falling Out of Love?

Evaluate your feelings and decide whether you should end your relationship now or take steps toward turning it around.

Displaced, Replaced, Erased

Of all of the possible experiences people endure when they are abandoned in love, rejection is probably the most painful.

Tired of Being Tired? – Stop Your Energy Drains

Many of my therapy patients are telling me these days that they are overwhelmed and exhausted in ways they have never felt before. They can’t seem to find the time or space to regenerate, and they are overwhelmed with what they feel obligated to accomplish.

Sexy, Sensual, or Intimate—What is Your Sexual Style?

We each have our own personal and unique sexual signature that may help or hinder sexual connections with the one we love. Examine your own sexual history to benefit the relationship you are in or to attract a relationship partner best suited for your style.

“I Didn’t Mean to Hurt You”

All intimate couples fight. The way they resolve those battles will determine the outcome of their relationship. The greatest enemy to resolution is blaming the other partner for the problem. When the people in a committed relationship learn to take responsibility for their own behavior, they are much more likely to succeed.

Ten Important Questions You Should Ask a Potential Partner

Many relationships fall apart because the partners don't really know what to expect from each other once they become involved. Knowing what questions to ask early on can quickly pave the way to authentic and heroic mutual understanding.

The 6 Most Common Enemies of Intimacy

There are six common behaviors that can damage any loving relationship if they are allowed to continue. The struggling partners I work with have often slipped into these destructive patterns without even realizing it. Had these couples been able to see these patterns earlier, they could have stopped the damage wreaked.

How Stress Can Bury Love - The Way Back

Prolonged stress dulls our receptivity to intimate connection. We forget how to love or let love in. We lose our ability to feel, to think, and to act in cherishing ways and inadvertently push the people we most care about away.

Is Your Partner Driving You Crazy?

Some people cannot allow their intimate partners to predict their behaviors. They seem to intentionally thwart expectations even when they have participated in the plans for them. The reasons they behave that way defy rational thinking but do have an understandable basis and can be challenged and healed.
8 Rays of Hope for Struggling Relationships

8 Rays of Hope for Struggling Relationships

Even the most dysfunctional relationships may be not only salvageable but contain the potential for total rejuvenation. The outcome depends on what resources still remain under the cloud of despair, and how willing the couple is to do the work to bring them back to life.

Communication "Bank-Shots"

Many intimate partners, not able to get what they want using direct communication, resort to other strategies to get their point across. One of the most common is to use another source as the back-up to strengthen the argument. These communication "bank-shots" often work but can undermine true intimacy if they are not challenged and replaced with authentic connection. .

Has "Excess" Become an Addiction?

The opportunities and concurrent obligations that people are facing today have increased dramatically since the advent and availability of technology. Many are over-involved and struggling to stay balanced and healthy in the face of the stress they are feeling. Without changing behaviors or learning to be more efficient, their bodies will become less able to regenerate.

Why Great Husbands Are Being Abandoned

Women have often been the predominant gender initiating divorce. In the past, their reasons have often been role inequality. Millennial men are willingly exchanging dominance for vulnerability. Women are still divorcing them.

Haven't You Had This Terrible Fight Before?

Many established couples fall into verbal ruts where they repeatedly fight over non-nonsensical and non-resolvable issues. As those verbal grooves become habitual, the intimate partners can become inured to them and not realize the cumulative damage they are creating. Identifying and recognizing them are the beginning of positive change.