The Real Secrets of a Great Relationship

Beyond mastering the skills of quality interactions, learn how to practice a way of being with your significant other that is both emotional and reverent.

Can Texting Sabotage Emotional Intimacy?

Texting keep lovers in constant contact, but can it really communicate what true intimacy?

Rigid Gender Roles: Enemies of the New Intimacy

Whether in straight or gay relationships, what was once the established status quo of the male role as dominant and protective, and the female role as supportive and adaptive, is rapidly transitioning.

Touch and Go Relationships – Do they have to be Superficial?

How can we rise above when new intimate relationships don’t pan out, and multiple failures take their toll on optimistic expectations.

7 Things You Must Do to Keep Believing in Love

If you are like most people, you were much more vulnerable and open when you started experiencing intimate relationships than you are now. Before the disappointments and heartbreaks that you’ve most likely faced, you were more willing to enter your partner’s internal world with reverence and unbounded curiosity, and opened your heart and soul to that lover.

Too Many Choices

We are literally turning ourselves into obsessive-compulsive comparison shoppers as we try to wade through the astronomical array of possible choices of experiences, relationships, material goods, and advice that is literally at our fingertips. We can even rate the raters and compare the comparisons. And yet, we still have trouble trusting the final outcome because there j

Haven’t We Met Before?

They are sane and rational beings, who reveal their stories with understandable discomfort. But, once they know that I am open and receptive, they share them with evident relief and passionate explanations. They are so glad to find someone who does not think they are crazy.

Coming Home – When Old Loves Rekindle

Old loves can come together again and be happier than ever.

Couple’s Alert - Is Your Love Dying?

By the time I see couples in therapy, they are often at a breaking point. Frustration tolerance is at an all-time low, and a love that once had such hope is floundering badly. We have to get through layers of disillusionment, anger, and hurt to see if there is anything worth saving at all and if both partners want their relationship to heal.

Are You Falling Out of Love?

Evaluate your feelings and decide whether you should end your relationship now or take steps toward turning it around.

Displaced, Replaced, Erased

Of all of the possible experiences people endure when they are abandoned in love, rejection is probably the most painful.

Tired of Being Tired? – Stop Your Energy Drains

Many of my therapy patients are telling me these days that they are overwhelmed and exhausted in ways they have never felt before. They can’t seem to find the time or space to regenerate, and they are overwhelmed with what they feel obligated to accomplish.

Sexy, Sensual, or Intimate—What is Your Sexual Style?

We each have our own personal and unique sexual signature that may help or hinder sexual connections with the one we love. Examine your own sexual history to benefit the relationship you are in or to attract a relationship partner best suited for your style.

“I Didn’t Mean to Hurt You”

All intimate couples fight. The way they resolve those battles will determine the outcome of their relationship. The greatest enemy to resolution is blaming the other partner for the problem. When the people in a committed relationship learn to take responsibility for their own behavior, they are much more likely to succeed.

Ten Important Questions You Should Ask a Potential Partner

Many relationships fall apart because the partners don't really know what to expect from each other once they become involved. Knowing what questions to ask early on can quickly pave the way to authentic and heroic mutual understanding.

The 6 Most Common Enemies of Intimacy

There are six common behaviors that can damage any loving relationship if they are allowed to continue. The struggling partners I work with have often slipped into these destructive patterns without even realizing it. Had these couples been able to see these patterns earlier, they could have stopped the damage wreaked.

How Stress Can Bury Love - The Way Back

Prolonged stress dulls our receptivity to intimate connection. We forget how to love or let love in. We lose our ability to feel, to think, and to act in cherishing ways and inadvertently push the people we most care about away.

Is Your Partner Driving You Crazy?

Some people cannot allow their intimate partners to predict their behaviors. They seem to intentionally thwart expectations even when they have participated in the plans for them. The reasons they behave that way defy rational thinking but do have an understandable basis and can be challenged and healed.

8 Rays of Hope for Struggling Relationships

Even the most dysfunctional relationships may be not only salvageable but contain the potential for total rejuvenation. The outcome depends on what resources still remain under the cloud of despair, and how willing the couple is to do the work to bring them back to life.

Communication "Bank-Shots"

Many intimate partners, not able to get what they want using direct communication, resort to other strategies to get their point across. One of the most common is to use another source as the back-up to strengthen the argument. These communication "bank-shots" often work but can undermine true intimacy if they are not challenged and replaced with authentic connection. .

Has "Excess" Become an Addiction?

The opportunities and concurrent obligations that people are facing today have increased dramatically since the advent and availability of technology. Many are over-involved and struggling to stay balanced and healthy in the face of the stress they are feeling. Without changing behaviors or learning to be more efficient, their bodies will become less able to regenerate.

Why Great Husbands Are Being Abandoned

Women have often been the predominant gender initiating divorce. In the past, their reasons have often been role inequality. Millennial men are willingly exchanging dominance for vulnerability. Women are still divorcing them.

Haven't You Had This Terrible Fight Before?

Many established couples fall into verbal ruts where they repeatedly fight over non-nonsensical and non-resolvable issues. As those verbal grooves become habitual, the intimate partners can become inured to them and not realize the cumulative damage they are creating. Identifying and recognizing them are the beginning of positive change.

If We Weren't Already Married Would You Choose Me Again?

Most committed partners marry with the full intent to maintain the promises they've made to each other. Life's challenges intervene, often pushing the partners into a parallel team that makes them forget the sacredness of their interpersonal connection. Regular check-ins to make sure they hold on to the beauty of their beginning can keep that loss from happening.

"I" to "We"–Blending Independence With Committment

Single life offers many advantages. People don't have to worry about giving up their individuality or compromise their priorities to please a long-time partner. Committed partners also have their list of blessings. They create history together and commit to the same dreams. Moving from being single to pair-bonded requires the willingness to effectively compromise.

Class Reunion Scrambles–Returning to Old Loves

Early loves leave heartfelt and deep memories. Life intercedes and they are often abandoned, only to re-emerge later in life when nostalgia beckons and opportunities arise. Class reunions have more and more become the place where those chances increase. The conflict between loyalty to a present relationship and an old love an bring anguishing sadness and beautiful joy.

When It's Time to Let a Relationship Go

The self-help media abounds with relationship advice. If only intimate partners would just learn the skills, have the motivation, and not be willing to quit, any relationship can eventually flourish. The truth is that many wonderful people do everything they can to make their committed relationships work, and still lose them. They need the support to move on without guilt.

Romantic Phrases that Melt Hearts

Men know what they need to say to make their women feel loved, even when they don't choose to use that knowledge. Women know what they want to hear, and those phrases are the same. So, romantic language is essentially feminine. Women need to translate their romantic feelings into words men feel loved by, by rarely know what those are.

Write Anger, Speak Love: An End to Bickering

Many established intimate partners find themselves bickering about unimportant issues and not taking the time to search for the underlying potential heartbreaks. Separating out love from anger and hurt can help them identify and heal what their real problems may be.

Why Can't I Let Love In?

There are relationship partners who can give love out but cannot take it in. They may seem as if they just are autonomous people who don't need much, but underneath they may be suffering from prior wounds that do not let them heal from the love that is offered. Their partners do everything they can to help, but often eventually disconnect, saddened they weren't enough.