I've always been a verbal person. I express myself in words the best. I am able to communicate how I feel by articulating my feelings either by speaking them or in writing. Regardless, it's always been words. Not everyone is like me in the way they express their emotions. This is particularly relevant when it comes to romantic relationships. A while back I learned about the five love languages. These are particularly important in long term relationships and marriages. They include gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.
I like hearing that someone cares about me. That falls under the "words of affirmation." I've noticed that men tend to be more action-oriented when it comes to showing love. This would fall under the category of acts of service. Maybe he fixes something that's broken for you or put gas in your car without you asking.
This is a valid form of showing love, but it's different from the way that I express my feelings. Reading about the love languages, I started thinking about how married couples communicate. Even though we speak different languages is it possible to hear each other? The tough thing is when there's a miscommunication in a marriage and it keeps happening over and over again.
Once that happens it can feel like a betrayal or like the other person isn't hearing you. Once trust is broken in a marriage it can be challenging to regain it. I don't believe that we have to embark on that journey alone. Sometimes you need an impartial individual to help you repair your relationship. I don't see anything "wrong" with that. And in fact, recognizing that your marriage is having a communication breakdown and doing something about it is brave.
What's the alternative? Ignoring the glaring problems and pretending things are okay. That isn't a viable solution and it will inevitably result in resentment. I don't know about you, but being resentful hurts me the most. If there's any way to avoid those uncomfortable feelings I'd like to figure it out. I believe the best way to combat resentment is to deal with issues as they come up in your marriage. Pushing them to the side or repressing them makes them come back in full force.
If you're going to be with someone for the rest of your life, you might as well be able to communicate effectively with that person. For me, I recognize that I am a hyper-verbal person, but I recognize that other people communicate differently. It's important to see the differences in people and honor them. We can learn from one another if we are open to understanding how our partner communicates, even if it's vastly different from how we express ourselves.