Sex Positive vs. Sex Negative

In therapeutic circles you might hear a therapist tell you they are "sex positive" as way to indicate their stance on treating issues related to sex. But what does this mean when it comes to issues related to clients with sexually compulsive behaviors? Are sex addiction therapists just prudish people against sexual fetishes and other behaviors?

Born to Lose

Asian-American gambling is a very taboo subject yet Bill Lee courageously shares his life of addiction, relapse, and recovery with readers in this memoir. Not only will it give readers an understanding of gambling addiction, but other addictions as well since many addicts can learn to mask their behaviors by switching addictions. I found this memoir heart-wrenching yet..

Recovery for Self or Spouse

If your partner or loved one is in recovery from an addiction how do you know it's a real change or someone trying to change because of you? An addict's recovery will never be true if it's to keep the relationship together. While that may be a result of the therapy but if it's the main reason then it's likely this person is mainly committed to the relationship.

Asian Dating

If you're Asian or dating an Asian person, you'll eventually see how cultural differences will impact your relationship. Here's what you need to know to navigate these waters.

What is an Addiction?

The clinical and therapeutic communities have come a long way in understanding addictions yet questions still persist as to the root causes of addictions. Is it a disease rooted in genetics and/or biology, is it a disorder of mental or psychological suffering, or is it one of depravity where the origin is of a spiritual issue? The answer depends.

Behaviors Commom to Spouses of Male Sex Addicts

Women of male sex addicts come into treatment so wounded they have no reference point of "normal" behaviors. To keep some semblance of control they may go to extreme sexual or emotional dependency without realizing how these behaviors are impacting their own health and recovery. Are you aware of what's healthy or unhealthy if you are in a similar situation?

Male Intimacy

Studies show that in the United States it is very difficult to have a good friend whom you can trust to unload your burdens. And if you're a guy, the likelihood of that drops even further as many men substitute their spouses or girlfriends for that role. Yet male intimacy is how men are wired traditionally and culturally but has been lost through the ages.

Lamar Odom

Lamar Odom is fighting for his life in a hospital after being found unconscious in a Las Vegas area brothel. Odom's life has been one filled with tragedy upon tragedy. In therapy, the ones closest to him (attachment figures) were lost to sickness, death, or murder. His life is a case study of the negative impact of ruptured attachments on one's emotional and mental life

5 Facts About Asian-American Christian Shame

Asian-American Christianity is growing in the United States and abroad yet many Asians do not recognize how their cultural messages of shame negatively impacts their spiritual and emotional-well being.

Skin-to-Skin Contact

We all are familiar with the stereotype of Asian families not being physical with their children (the exception being spankings). Is this a cultural issue or one of biology. I believe we are biologically hard-wired to be physically connected especially as I'm learning this as a new dad but through the years maybe culture impacts what is permissible later on in life.

I Was On Ashley Madison

You are on the Ashley Madison list and the pit of your stomach is churning. You may experience shortness of breath, dizziness, or loss of concentration. Your double life is over and exposed (at least to those who have the list) now you're wonder if you should double-down and continue to lie or face significant consequences for sharing the truth. But where do you start?

Sex Addiction

Is a sex-crazed person a sex addict? Is it someone who enjoys sex with his/her partner? Due to the confusion of sex addiction even among therapists, it's important to understand the qualitative difference that sets a sex addict apart from others.

Food, Water, Shelter

Food, water, and shelter are considered the essentials for survival in the wilderness. But some Asians believe this same mentality can work in raising children (i.e. give their children food, provisions like clothes and a college fund) will suffice. To even consider the child's emotional world is viewed as an anathema to their Asian culture and tradition of stoicism...

It's her fault

If your spouse stops doing something sexually, what are you to do? Can you blame her for holding back? Can you use it as an excuse to act out sexually?

Wilderness Therapy

Why getting outdoors may be the best medicine for your psychological health. It can not only free you from your daily world of connection but also test you psychologically as you push yourself in your various pursuits.

Why I Ran a Marathon

People run marathons for a number of reasons: to get in shape, to raise awareness for a cause, to remember a loved one. I ran a marathon to "find" myself. Athletic endeavors are more than just physical pursuits. They can be a means to reflect parts of your soul that yearn to be tested and seen. I just had no idea what I would find by doing so myself.

Mira Hu

The recent story of an Asian teenager running away after her parents dropped her off to take her SAT test should cause Asian parents to pause and ask themselves if they are contributing to unreal academic expectations for their children. Beyond the high-pressure stakes of college entrance exams, AP classes, lies the stifling cultural theme of Asian honor and shame.

5 Asian Love Languages

The way traditional Asian parents express love to their children in America is often "lost in translation". Consequently mental health issues of low self-esteem, addictions, feeling unloved, and other relational challenges arise out of the complexity of being caught in a cultural crossroad.

BDSM, Tummy-Tucks, and Sex Toys

How can plastic surgery, sex toys, or new sexual positions be a part of sexual trauma? While spouses of sex addicts will acknowledge the common trauma related to feelings of betrayal, loss of trust, and hyper-sensitivity to their husbands/boyfriends possibly "acting out" again, there are those who can't acknowledge how this trauma can impact decision-making in other areas

Baltimore Riots

In the wake of the recent violent Baltimore protests, many people removed from the situation will see this once again as another issue between African-Americans and the White establishment (judicial and law enforcement). But lost amidst this devastation is the impact on many Asian-American immigrant families caught in the crosshairs of racism and economic frustrations.


Is Korean anger a myth, stereotype, or a psychological coping mechanism through generations of repeated attempts to obliterate a nation and culture? When looked at from a historical and cultural lens, the anger or culture-bound symptoms known as haan or hwa-byung begins to resonate with today's Korean culture.

Asian Parenting

Asian parents are often very attuned to taking care of their children's physical needs (i.e. food, shelter, finances for education) yet the emotional support can be lacking. Here's what parents can do to be more attuned to their children's overall health.

Starbucks "Race Together Campaign"

What happens when Starbucks unveils a campaign to encourage conversations about race and culture? A Starbucks executive didn't receive the memo and makes his own racist comments to a Chinese-American at a Seattle store.

Uber Upset Cop Meets South Asian Uber Driver

An undercover New York Police detective yells profanities at an Uber driver of South Asian descent. The video is damning evidence of racial undertones yet the officer dismisses any notion of racism. This is the reason racism exists, the lack of acknowledgment when it occurs no matter how subtle the form.

Asian Dating

Are you dating an Asian or dating a different Asian ethnicity? If so, there may be cultural landmines to navigate as you go against cultural norms and expectations from your family, culture, and/or ethnicity.

Talking About Sex Addiction

Questions such as "Do you believe in sex addiction?" or "Is porn/masturbation ok?" are simplistic questions to challenging clinical issues. Instead, these questions need to be reframed from another vantage point.

Celibacy Period

When couples are struggling with a partner's sex addiction, taking sex off the table may be difficult for some spouses who fear the addict will go back to his/her old ways. Therapeutically clinicians in this field will ask for a 90 day celibacy period. This may seem surprising but this is critical in the early stages of recovery for both the addict and the partner.

Listening to Your Vocational Voice

When is it time to follow your true self? How do you know if your calling awaits you? What are you to do when you're at a career crossroads in life? Learning to listen to your vocational voice is difficult amidst the din of daily life, but if you want to thrive then you'll find ways to discern your calling.

Slanted Eyes

A Haiku about the Asian-American experience.

Why I Stopped Psychological “Interpretations” with Clients

With the advent of neuroscience on brain development, science is focusing on the nonverbal and unconscious emotional world underlying clients within a therapeutic context. As a result, there is a rich world that awaits therapists willing to plumb the depths of not only their client's affective world but their own as well.