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Empathy

Bear Stearns In Treatment

Greg Dillon digs for empathy in the wake of Bear Stearns

On the elevator up to my office, a patient of mine asked me, "Can you believe this?! Can you believe what happened to Bear Sterns?!" I gave him the knowing, wow-it's-crazy smile/nod, until we got settled in my office for our session. The truth was, I could totally believe it. What goes up, must come down, live by the sword, etc. But he was really shaken. The idea that a presumably rock solid financial institution, the hub of prosperity and the American way of life could go down in a fire sale unsettled every bit of his psyche.

Crises, disasters are traumatic. While we often mount a heroic or even manic response, they shake us to the core. This is not about Bear Sterns or even the economy. Anyone who can delude themselves into thinking it is reasonable to expect an over-leveraged debacle like the recent sub-prime mess to yield all good all the time, must have some shred of dread that the house of cards will tumble down. The stress and anxiety that Bear Sterns generates goes to our child-like core. How could this happen? How could they do this to us? Who's going to fix it? Who can we trust? This is not fair!

Well, it's probably not fair to make several million a year off over extended/leveraged investments. Or to live in a $35 million apartment. But few pointed out that discrepancy when all was good. While the numbers and the victims of the situation may mitigate our empathy, it's important to see the psychological premise. This wasn't supposed to happen. And we weren't ready for it. My three year old daughter doesn't quite understand why she can't have three ice cream sandwiches for breakfast, but we're working on it.

The weird thing is that second runner up to Bear Sterns fears this week in therapy was In Treatment fantasies. More than five patients wanted to compare their sessions with me to the tight angled, intense TV sessions with Gabriel Byrne and co. on HBO. The link? In times of destabilization, regression is often close behind. And nothing begs for salvation like regression. "Why don't I feel like you care about me as much as Paul (Gabriel Byrne's character) cares about his patients?" I don't want to be her savior, but just to let her feel that there can be care. "We can work on that." GD

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