iStock - used with permission -  Jacques van Dinteren
Source: iStock - used with permission - Jacques van Dinteren

It’s difficult to please a woman if she doesn't reveal her pleasure secrets. Without clear direction, her man may feel lost under the covers. Myths about what turns her on and what turns her off create untold anxiety.

Here are the myths and truths.

Myth #1 – If a man is big enough or hard enough a woman will have a vaginal orgasm.

Truth – Only 15% of all women achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. Among those who do, their arousal is often very high and preceded by lots of foreplay and stimulation. For most women, sex is foreplay. Foreplay is when they experience arousal and often orgasm because the clitoris, not the vagina, is the most highly sexually part of their body.

Myth #2 – If a man’s erection lasts for hours a woman will be satisfied.

Truth – Despite what porn depicts, for most women even 30 minutes of intercourse, would be far too much. The friction that feels good in the beginning would start to make their vaginas feel raw. When intercourse is too long, women become dry as their lubrication is absorbed leading to further discomfort and possible tearing. The average lasting time for intercourse is 8 minutes. Again, a man stimulating a woman’s clitoris simultaneously during intercourse with his hands or a vibrator can make her peak.

Myth #3 – Premature ejaculation is terribly disappointing for women.

Truth – Often the great disappointment due to premature ejaculation is caused by the man pulling away from the sexual moment in shame – not the fact that he climaxed quickly. If he would stay in the game, and continue to arouse his partner and be emotionally present – 99% of the time the woman would still be pleased.

Myth #4 – Great lovers already know how to touch a woman.

Truth – Great lovers ask a woman how she likes to be touched. There is cultural pressure on men to know when women want sex and how they want sex. He is often the designated initiator and conductor of the experience. Women’s genital sensitivity varies by the time of the month, by the time of the day, by the day itself. There is no way a man can know how to touch a particular woman unless she openly tells him  - no matter what his previous experience might have taught him.

Myth #6 – Fast and hard clitoral stimulation is what makes her climax.

Truth – Sometimes. Unfortunately, men start here. In reality, women like their minds to turn on first, aided by clever seduction, flirting, and intimate time together. Then, they like some whole body arousal with hugging, kissing, and lying naked. Only 20 minutes into the actual experience are most women aroused enough for direct stimulation to feel good. Then, she may like lazy circles, tiny tip touches, or labial pressure, etc. Sometimes near the end she likes it hard and fast and sometimes she just likes a steady rhythm. Ask her to show you.

Myth #6 – Most women want anal sex; they just don’t know it.

Truth – About 2% of women actually want it. And they know if they do or don’t.

Listen to Laurie's exciting new podcast FOREPLAY - Radio Sex Therapy with couple's therapist Dr. Adam Mathews on iTunes or Sticher.

CONTACT Laurie online for clinical consulations!

Start resolving your relational love and sex problems NOW with the FREE QUIZ on the first page of our website www.AwakeningsCenter.Org .

You are reading

Married and Still Doing It

Does She Want Emotional Connection Before She Wants Sex?

5 ways to to achieve emotional connection.

5 Resolutions for an Erotic Marriage

Commit to habits that create meaningful sex as a couple.

Are Your Partner's Rules Ruining Your Sex Life?

Expert advice for talking about 4 common issues, like no sex with the lights on.