Summer Sex - iStock MediaPhotos - used with permission
Source: Summer Sex - iStock MediaPhotos - used with permission

It’s sizzling in the South this morning. Bright sunshine, air drippin’ with humidity, and high temps. Sweaty weather. Sexy weather. Get-your-flip flops-on-and-shag-on-the-beach weather (that’s a dance in North Carolina!) Most of the time, I leave specifics to the reader’s imagination, but today I thought I’d spill some of the best ideas I’ve heard over the years.

In order to encourage you to lose some clothes and have your best summer ever, here’s some research and secrets shared behind a sex therapist’s closed doors to heat up the bedroom!

1) Find a romantic location: Fantasy research from Canada in the Journal of Sexual Medicine shows that a dreamy setting tops the chart in women’s fantasies, with men not far behind in wishing for a new, exciting place to have sex. Best ideas I’ve heard in session:

  1. Backyard trampoline during the moonrise.
  2. Back in the dunes on a remote beach at night.
  3. Afternoon delight at a beach hotel—smeared in coconut sunscreen and a little tipsy from those umbrella drinks.
  4. In a limo, wearing a red wig after picking up her husband from his business trip.
  5. Second floor bathroom of the science museum (otherwise closed) while they were guests at a wedding.
  6. Make out session on the bluffs after a summer beach wedding.
  7. Surprise date ending at B&B with wine and roses, music and dancing. (Classic stuff works!)

2) Have more oral sex: Get down and get to business! After wanting to be with the woman he’s romantically involved with, the same research states men’s second top fantasy is—oral sex! Surprised? Guess not. But guess what? Receiving is a top fantasy for her as well. While most couples integrate oral love easily into their repertoire, about 5% of the couples I see are on the brink of divorce over a lack thereof. Gender-respective needs:

a) For him: best move for oral sex?  Her enthusiasm! How often does he want it? Most men say they want it more frequently as foreplay than as simply a stand-alone act (they want that too though!)
b) For her: reassurance.  “You taste good,” are 3 little sexy words to help her get over inhibition. Many women are convinced they taste terrible while men regularly say that women don’t really taste like much of anything. If she insists on a shower first, let her take one. If a fresh cleansing leaves her less inhibited – budget for a higher water bill and don’t complain. I might add, many women are fanatics about him being clean before performing fellatio – so jump in! Bonus: give her g-spot stimulation at the same time.

3) Simmer: Anticipation is what makes early relationship sex so hot. We tease, imply, hint, preen. Keep at it! Here are a few ways to bring some sweat to the brow.

  1. Flirt!  Be clever not juvenile. Try a little innuendo—surprise your spouse by whispering something daring.
  2. Wear a sheer enough T-shirt to show a lacy bra or low enough to flaunt a bit of cleavage. Go to the BBQ in a dress and leave your underwear at home—mention this little fact to your spouse on the way to the party. Gentlemen—don some well-fitting pants and dance shoes. Shave twice.
  3. Smell good.  Lay on the aftershave and perfume. Send the sexy subliminal message every time you walk by your partner that you’re ready to be up and close.
  4. Slow dance—sway to the music. Nearly every female client and friend I know says, dancing is a turn-on.
  5. Let loose—it’s summer. Time to have a party, take a vacation, let “the list of to-do’s” go. Relax. Sex happens more often when we give ourselves permission to practice fun!

4) Do a new position in the hammock: After the kids have gone to sleep, try a super stimulating position.  The C.A.T – coital alignment technique – starts as the missionary position but instead of thrusting, it’s more of a smush rotation with him grinding his pelvis against her clitoris. While only about 15% of women climax through intercourse, if you’ve both simmered all day, and he's given special attention to her clitoris first, this might increase her odds of reaching orgasm while he’s inside.

5) Frustrate your partner on purpose: Here’s a dicey suggestion and it will only be sexy if you are otherwise free of sexual struggles.  Take turns being in control of the pace.  Warn your partner that one time this summer they can expect to be aroused but not satisfied.  The worry about future frustration will heighten and hasten arousal all the other times.

For more from author Laurie J. Watson - listen to her and podcast co-host Dr. Adam Mathews on iTunes or Stitcher at FOREPLAY Radio Sex Therapy or visit her website AwakeningsCenter.Org for speaking and online sex therapy appointments.

CONTACT Laurie online for clinical consulations!

Start resolving your relational love and sex problems NOW with the FREE QUIZ on the first page of our website.

You are reading

Married and Still Doing It

Looking for the G-Spot? 6 Things to Know

A difficult-to-find erogenous zone.

How Women Really Feel About Sex

... when sex is part of love.