Too fast or too slow (or not at all!) Premature ejaculation for men and anorgasmia (no orgasm) for women are the two most common sexual problems that plague a couple’s sexual experience. Anxiety is the root cause of both problems - the majority of the time. Ironically trying to do exactly what the problem is turns anxiety around slowing him down and speeding her up.
Premature ejaculation - Come fast! A therapeutic intervention that works for many of my clients is the instructive to try to orgasm as fast as possible, to go for broke!
Reframe the issue – make it a positive. Tell her she is so sexy you are about to burst and will probably not make it past taking her clothes off. Tell her she’s such vixon, you can’t contain yourself! Come once, do her, and come again!
Lack of orgasm - Don’t come – most of the time, a woman’s lack of orgasm is situational due to her inability to relax and inadequate stimulation. She mostly compares herself to the male pattern of easy arousal and easy orgasm and decides that she’s “taking too long.” (Or worse – her male partner thinks the same thing!) Psychologically, telling her to take longer or to not climax (yet) refocuses her on what sensations she is feeling rather than on what she is not yet feeling.
Women need the 20/20 solution – women compare themselves mostly to men whose arousal is complete in seconds and who can climax in a relatively short number of minutes. But if women compared themselves to what other women need and if their male partners understood this need, women could relax. Most women need about 20 minutes of general whole body arousal followed by at least 20 minutes of direct genital stimulation.