Be sure to read the following responses to this post by our bloggers:
I recently had an intense sensual/sexual encounter with a man. We spent about two days together. He told me about himself and how he and his ex-girlfriend had engaged in group sex with other couples. I told him I was not into that. All in all, we are clearly not compatible. But I was looking forward to continuing a fun, safe, short term affair with him. A few days pass and he tells me he is so perplexed by our intense unplanned liaison that he simply cannot understand it because it's never happened to him before. Apparently, while he may engage in non-conventional group sex, it is always carefully planned. He wanted to know why it happened. I really don't have an answer. I really just wanted to say, "have you never heard of the 'one night stand.'" But I did not want to be trite. How can a person with such a liberal and unconventional sex life question the attraction and combustion of this sudden lust?
I really don’t understand why do you think that strong chemistry is not the most important part. In the rest of the things I can be comparable with any one. I accept people for who they are. I have many friends to share ideas and thought and emotions and hobbies. But I would prefer to build my relations on chemistry. I don’t really understand why would I marry a guy if there is no strong overwhelming chemistry? Good sex is the only thing I actually looking in the relations. Everything else I can find in friendship or at work with colleagues. And if I have a good sex I can agree about everything else. All the other problems have a solution except one – great sex. So, ppl, why you keep bugging us with all this ‘chemistry is not everything bla-bla-bla”. It is everything! Rest of the problems is bla-bla-bla. We always can get an agreements and compromise about finances, about culture, about habits, but we can’t compromise on chemistry.
Linda Young, Ph.D., is a psychologist and relationship coach whose work has appeared on or in CNN, NPR, The Oprah Magazine, and USA Today, among others.