Liz sat on the far end of the couch and smiled weakly.”I love Adam and I want to make him happy.”
“Uh huh…” I said.
Liz continued. “I feel I’m falling short of my goal. I would do next to anything to please Adam. But there are some things I’m not so sure about.”
“I’m not feeling well. I can’t get going.” Sharon said softly.
I remarked, “You seem sad.”
Her voice picked up as she said “I am but I don’t understand it. My life is great. I’m married to this wonderful man, have an adorable six year old daughter, a lovely home, and a satisfying career.”
Tossing her long blonde hair over her shoulder, Sarah smiled, “Stan wants me to marry him.”
“Do you want to marry him?” I asked.
Her dazzling smile turned to a frown. “I’m thinking about it. It’s a problem though.”
I asked, “Why’s that?”
“I’m married to Evan.” She said in a matter of fact tone.
Darla has it all. She is brainy, beautiful, sexy, and successful. At the ripe age of 33 she is worth 200 million dollars. She owns a chain of medical spas with top plastic surgeons who offer numerous beauty enhancing procedures. Darla easily makes good decisions in her spas.
The main reason some women cheat is that their relationships are unsatisfactory. Then there are some other women. It’s not that their marriages are bad; it’s not their partners are bad; it’s not that they are bad. It’s that they want more excitement.
T’s the season to be jolly. Yet many of us are not exactly jolly; rather, many of us are feeling sad. Indeed, this may be the season for separating from an unsatisfactory relationship. The end of the year could well signal the end of a hurtful union.
Slim of waist, dark curls framing her dimpled face, Stephanie sighed, “I almost gave up on finding real love. That’s not to say that I haven’t been in romantic relationships, I have, but love didn’t last. Then I met Glen.
One of the knottiest problems that I see in my couples’ therapy practice is that each partner wants his way. I don’t mean in the big things, like values, religion—those that couples agree on to start out with—but in small things like when to clean out the garage, or what color stone to use for the fireplace.
“How could he cheat on me?” Rage filled Connie’s face as she winced and clenched her fists.
Joe responded, “She called me a faggot, a loser, that I was old, that no one would want me so…”
“So you found someone who would want you.” I finished his sentence.
"Mommy, let's listen to silence" remarked my five year old son on one of our many nature walks. In silence we got in touch with our inner thoughts, our minds, and our souls so that we could communicate in a meaningful way. That was then, some 35 years ago: then there is now.
"What happened to her? I don't know this woman." Steve implored me.
I was puzzled, "She changed so much?"
"Yeah. She was so sweet, loving, and lovely; now she's angry and she blames everything on me. She even filed for divorce." Tears welled up in Steve's eyes.
In my last blog, Married to a Sex Addict, I described the plight of the spouse who is married to a male sex addict. On Oct 7, 2009 I wrote about the psychology of a female sex addict. More recently the topic of sex addiction is being hyped in the media.
Sex addiction is big news these days. Chris Lee of the Daily Beast wrote The Sex Addiction Epidemic on November 25 which Newsweek featured. Whereas Lee's story followed a female sex addict, the new movie Shame follows a male sex addict. In my blog on Oct 7 2009, What Drives a Sex, I wrote about the inner world of the sex addict.
To make this the best holiday season, you will be celebrating with friends and family. All of these events are welcome. What are not welcome are old family ghosts—painful reminders of hurtful childhood interactions.
The most erogenous zone in the body is the brain. Here then is how you can use the brain in a sexy manner. Try to listen and take the pulse of your partner, then, step into your partner's shoes emotionally. You will achieve a wonderful of empathic attunement in which you "get" each other.
As a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst, I am excited about my new book, The New Science of Love: How Understanding Your Brain's Wiring Can Help Rekindle Your Relationship(Sourcebooks, Casablanca 2011).