Love, Sex, and Pornography

Liz sat on the far end of the couch and smiled weakly.”I love Adam and I want to make him happy.” “Uh huh…” I said. Liz continued. “I feel I’m falling short of my goal. I would do next to anything to please Adam. But there are some things I’m not so sure about.”

Sexually Open Marraige

“I’m not feeling well. I can’t get going.” Sharon said softly. I remarked, “You seem sad.” Her voice picked up as she said “I am but I don’t understand it. My life is great. I’m married to this wonderful man, have an adorable six year old daughter, a lovely home, and a satisfying career.”

When Cheating Isn't Cheating

Tossing her long blonde hair over her shoulder, Sarah smiled, “Stan wants me to marry him.” “Do you want to marry him?” I asked. Her dazzling smile turned to a frown. “I’m thinking about it. It’s a problem though.” I asked, “Why’s that?” “I’m married to Evan.” She said in a matter of fact tone.

Undecided

Darla has it all. She is brainy, beautiful, sexy, and successful. At the ripe age of 33 she is worth 200 million dollars. She owns a chain of medical spas with top plastic surgeons who offer numerous beauty enhancing procedures. Darla easily makes good decisions in her spas.

Why Some Other Women Cheat

The main reason some women cheat is that their relationships are unsatisfactory. Then there are some other women. It’s not that their marriages are bad; it’s not their partners are bad; it’s not that they are bad. It’s that they want more excitement.

Change in the New Year

The New Year symbolizes a new start: Out with the old and in with the new. Instead of war, we hope for peace, instead of illness we hope for health, instead of loneliness we hope for love.

Why Breaking Up is So Hard to Do

T’s the season to be jolly. Yet many of us are not exactly jolly; rather, many of us are feeling sad. Indeed, this may be the season for separating from an unsatisfactory relationship. The end of the year could well signal the end of a hurtful union.

Why Some Women Cheat

Throwing caution to the wind, women who cheat risk a lot. They risk hurting their partners, hurting their children, and losing the relationship.

He's Just Too Neurotic

Allison had been seeing me for the last seven months as she has been feeling blue and lifeless. The mother of four young children, she feels drained.

Why Lasting Love Eludes You

Slim of waist, dark curls framing her dimpled face, Stephanie sighed, “I almost gave up on finding real love. That’s not to say that I haven’t been in romantic relationships, I have, but love didn’t last. Then I met Glen.

Love After 50

Ann, an attractive, vivacious sixty- something woman smiled as she came into my office.

Turning "We" to "Me"

One of the knottiest problems that I see in my couples’ therapy practice is that each partner wants his way. I don’t mean in the big things, like values, religion—those that couples agree on to start out with—but in small things like when to clean out the garage, or what color stone to use for the fireplace.

Lettting Go Is Hard to Do

“He has this horrible temper and he loses it a lot.” Liz looked down.” “How long have you been with him?” I asked. Teary eyed, Liz responded, “It is four years now and I know Alex is abusive.”

In Love With a Narcissist

“James only thinks of himself. Last night I told him I was feeling sad, that my dog had a heart attack and may not live. Instead of empathy he told me he lost a dog twenty years ago.

Unsteady Teddy

Ted, a wiry, hyper, curly haired man worked as a commodities broker. In his career, he glided up and down with the market swings, but in his love life his ups and downs were not working.

Fear of Abandonment

“How could he cheat on me?” Rage filled Connie’s face as she winced and clenched her fists. Joe responded, “She called me a faggot, a loser, that I was old, that no one would want me so…” “So you found someone who would want you.” I finished his sentence.

Prevent Infidelity

Did you know that 55-65 percent of men cheat and 45-55 percent of women cheat? It may seem it’s about sex, but in reality sex is better at home.

Living in the Moment for Lasting Love

"I feel if I move, I'll be happier." Marla said. I inquired, "What's wrong with where you live now?"

The Secret of Erotic Desire

"Valentine's Day is Tues and I love Eric, but something's missing," lamented Laura. "What do you think that something is?" I asked.

Transparency and Intimacy

Disclosure without taking responsibility is nothing at all.

The Power of Silence in Our Love Lives

"Mommy, let's listen to silence" remarked my five year old son on one of our many nature walks. In silence we got in touch with our inner thoughts, our minds, and our souls so that we could communicate in a meaningful way. That was then, some 35 years ago: then there is now.

Lying to Yourself in Your Love Life

"She told me it's over just before the New Year. And I have no idea why." Bruce tried to maintain his cool.

After the Loving

"What happened to her? I don't know this woman." Steve implored me. I was puzzled, "She changed so much?" "Yeah. She was so sweet, loving, and lovely; now she's angry and she blames everything on me. She even filed for divorce." Tears welled up in Steve's eyes.

The Art of Listening to Your Lover

Ken looked up at me and said, "I'm so in love with her. She's beautiful but it's more than that." "Like?" "She knows what I'm about to say before I say it."

What Drives a Sex Addict, Part 11

In my last blog, Married to a Sex Addict, I described the plight of the spouse who is married to a male sex addict. On Oct 7, 2009 I wrote about the psychology of a female sex addict. More recently the topic of sex addiction is being hyped in the media.

Married to a Sex Addict

Sex addiction is big news these days. Chris Lee of the Daily Beast wrote The Sex Addiction Epidemic on November 25 which Newsweek featured. Whereas Lee's story followed a female sex addict, the new movie Shame follows a male sex addict. In my blog on Oct 7 2009, What Drives a Sex, I wrote about the inner world of the sex addict.

Why Anxiety Is Good for Your Love Life

In the excellent article Why Anxiety is Good for You, page 55-65 in Time Magazine, December 5, 2011, Serge Bloch proposes that anxiety can help you move faster or it can paralyze you.

The Past Is Prologue

To make this the best holiday season, you will be celebrating with friends and family. All of these events are welcome. What are not welcome are old family ghosts—painful reminders of hurtful childhood interactions.

Loving Me Means Walking in My Shoes

The most erogenous zone in the body is the brain. Here then is how you can use the brain in a sexy manner. Try to listen and take the pulse of your partner, then, step into your partner's shoes emotionally. You will achieve a wonderful of empathic attunement in which you "get" each other.

Single But Not Sad This Holiday Season

"My favorite holiday Thanksgiving is less than three weeks away. I always cook up a storm and my large family comes over. Not that I like all of them, but I love entertaining and I don't feel lonely."

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