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Resilience
Resilience: 4 Ways to Move Forward After Time Stands Still
After an event or crisis disrupts our lives, it is good to reassess priorities.
Posted March 24, 2015
When in rapid succession three friends found themselves with interrupted lives, it was a cadre of family and friends who became their support system.
One woman talked of how family time seemed to evaporate when she ran for political office. After a bike accident, a former colleague found himself in a rehabilitation center for six weeks following a bicycle accident. One of my dearest friends took a leave of absence during her mother’s final days.
Relationships helped bridge lives that took a temporary, but stressful turn. Whenever our routines are disrupted -- whether for pleasant reasons or sad ones – somehow all of those tasks that we set for ourselves, the “To Do” list remains untouched. While we focus on an immediate situation that requires our attention, or understanding, or patience and love – daily minutia seem unimportant.
The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale
In the Holmes and Rahe stress scale certain events – from illness and death to marriage and moving -- may put us at risk for a depressive episode. Some people cope better than others. For everyone who says, “You do what you have to do," there is another person who freezes in time finding it difficult to get over the shock of the unexpected, the unplanned. Drs. Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe developed a tool for identifying stressful life events in 1967, the Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS). From this we see that even a positive event, such as marriage, is considered a major stressor.
Some examples from the list of 43 events with corresponding life change units include:
- Death of a spouse, 100 points.
- Divorce, 73.
- Marital separation, 65.
- Death of a close family member, 63.
- Personal illness or injury, 53
- Marriage, 50
- Change in living conditions, 25
The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale: Stress Management rating system (1)
But there are ways to move forward after a major disruption or loss once the immediate situation subsides.
Four ways to help with moving forward
Express Gratitude – Believe that even from sadness, loss, or change, some good will prevail. On every anniversary of 9/11 it seems we meet people or talk with friends who lost children during that tragic day. Oftentimes these people are the ones who reach out to others, although they will always feel pain within their hearts.
In extensive research on gratitude, Robert A. Emmons, PhD, and colleagues at the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley have regularly found that "a conscious focus on blessings may have emotional and interpersonal benefits." (2)
Reassess Priorities – After getting through a crisis period, take a look at what you let fall behind during the time of disruption in routine. Make two lists. One list should detail what you felt you had to do to get through the critical period. This reinforces your resiliency especially when you say, "I can't believe I was able to do this."
The second list should be filled with all those things that you let fall by the wayside. With this second list, start crossing off all of those things that are not so important after all. Ask yourself, “What is the best use of my time now -- for myself, for those whom I love?” Then set a new plan in motion.
Make Time for Yourself – When we address an immediate need, we leave aside what in time management might be our B or C list. But what about creating a time in your day that makes you the priority? Consider how your schedule might look if you were on the A list. How much time would you allow yourself for the arts, travel, relaxation, family and friends, or exercise?
Even our ancestors, early settlers with difficult lives, knew the value of play time as evidenced by the Merry-Go-Round which still brings laughter to children and adults alike. In her book "Folk Art of Cape Cod and the Islands" Jeanne M. Carley depicts the art of the carousel. And from the book with over 500 color plates from Schiffer Publishing, we see how folk art revealed resilience. (3)
After moving, even before boxes were unpacked, I decided to attend a concert of the Capital Trio at the Boston Athenaeum. For a brief moment, I panicked thinking, “What am I doing here with so much to do in the new apartment and now a newspaper deadline?”
Then the music began and I was meserized -- even though I sat in the back on an aisle seat ready to slip out early. Instead I turned the program over and I began writing one of my columns, a continuation of my series of growing up with Italian grandparents. It became "Remembering Grandma's Easter Baking During a Musical Afternoon."
Embrace Mindfulness – Train yourself to focus on a moment in time, not even the next hour. Vow that it will be the best moment you can give to yourself. Julie Corliss pointed out in the Harvard Health Letter what researchers determined after addressing issues of controls and volunteers:
... when researchers from Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, MD sifted through nearly 19,000 meditation studies, they found 47 trials that addressed those issues and met their criteria for well-designed studies. Their findings, published in this week’s JAMA Internal Medicine, suggest that mindfulness meditation can help ease psychological stresses like anxiety, depression, and pain. (4)
Resiliency is a gift, but in some ways it is an art that can be cultivated. When we look back and see that during those events which took our full attention -- when time appeared to stand still with regard to our "To Do" lists -- life went on. What we thought was immediately important had to wait. Ask yourself what could wait if you decide you are worth more quality time?
Perhaps now is the time for all of us to reserve a portion of our day to be good to our bodies, enrich our souls, and strengthen our spirits.
References
1. Holmes, Thomas; Rahe, Richard (1967). "The Social Readjustment Rating Scale". Journal of Psychosomatic Research 11 (2): 213–218.doi:10.1016/0022-3999(67)90010-4. PMID 6059863.
2. Emmons, Robert A.; McCullough, Michael E. "Counting blessings versus burdens: an experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol 84(2), Feb 2003, 377-389.
3. Folk Art Reveals Resilience for Psychology Today, September 30, 2014, Rita Watson.
4. Julie Corliss, Executive Editor, Harvard Health Letter, January 8, 2014: Mindfulness meditation may ease anxiety, mental stress / 201401086967
Copyright 2015 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved
