Yale Digital Commons, Robert Indiana
Source: Yale Digital Commons, Robert Indiana

In talking to women about their relationship wishes, it seems we are in a pie in the sky world. But who says that women shouldn’t be reaching for the stars? 

In my own research through the years, I have found that women are a faithful group, as confirmed by talks with W. Bradford Wilcox, Ph.D., a sociologist and director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. He says that just 14 percent of ever-married women reported an extramarital affair over their lifetime as compared to 22 percent of men. 

And so, yes, women do want commitment—but that’s not all.

1. Loving devotion in a committed “we” relationship

This is very simple, action speaks louder than words. A devoted man is respectful with the time shared, respectful of her work, her friends, her family, and their togetherness.

One of my favorite answers regarding “what women want from men” is from Karyn Zizza, a stunning, savvy Boston lawyer who has a positive attitude about relationships—for the most part. Attorney Zizza says:

“Every woman wants to believe that no matter how many women he has loved (or thought he loved) before, he loves her infinitely more. What he thought was love was nothing compared to how he feels for her. 

“He should show her that he is proud to call her his—in public, to his friends, family, strangers. (It doesn't even have to be true—she just needs to believe it based on his words and actions—in order to completely trust him). 

“Then he can go back to hiding behind whatever personae he chooses and she will remain starry-eyed for a significant period of time.”

Essentially she is describing a “we” relationship rather than an “I” relationship, as Randi Gunther, Ph.D. noted:

“We" is a state of mind and heart. It means that wherever one partner is, the other is present in their thoughts. Partners who consider themselves a "we" act that way. When you talk to partners who live with and in the heart of their beloved, you experience that commitment in every way they present themselves. They communicate a pride in belonging to their partner. It's a powerful feeling of "us" over anyone or anything else. Promise Keepers - The Committed Partners Who Stay Faithful to Each Other

2. Thoughtful, honest behavior

Women like men who stay in touch and are honest with them about their thoughts and whereabouts. Even Kevin Solin writing for the Huffington Post last month seemed to understand one of our top wishes—emotional honesty. What Do Women Want Anyway?

Women require truthfulness. If a guy slips up he should say so, without crafting a carefully worded email.

As for email when the two of you are apart? The University of California, Irvine, released a study recently which was co-written with United States Army researchers. They "found that people who do not look at e-mail on a regular basis at work are less stressed and more productive.” Taking E-Mail Vacations Can Reduce Stress, Study Says.

The same holds true on the homefront, especially for women who work all day and face the email barrage. Sorry, guys, e-mail really doesn't cut it. However, text messages or a quick "thinking of you" phone call during the day is a thoughtful touch.

3. Generosity of spirit

Women like men who are good money managers, but who are also generous in spirit. Giving men value women and in talking to men it is surprising to find how many really do enjoy coming up with gifts that they know will be appreciated. (See link at the end). These men also understand reciprocity—giving a woman pleasure will result in her desire to give pleasure to him. 6 Reasons Gift-Giving Men Are Good Lovers

An interesting take on stingy men is depicted in Love Is a Choice. The "Unmet Emotional Needs” chapter compares stingy men to Scrooge who may be confused over the loss of a parent (or affection) as such they fill their reservoirs with “lucre” instead of love, note the doctors.

4. Satisfying sex

Satisfying sex ranges from romantic to wild and crazy. With 75 million readers of romance novels according to a February 2011 report—courting has not lost its attraction. Yes, it is sheer romance when two people experience the power of love by transcending all obstacles. Reality doesn't stem romance novel sales  UPI.com

But women are not just living the fantasy life waiting for Prince Charming, sex plays an important role. Women became buyers in the soft porn market that began to explode in 2009.  Today 50 Shades of Grey—a story of love and sado-masochism, has become a run-away trilogy of success with over 250,000 copies of e-Books sold. 50 Shades of Grey: Why 'Mommy Porn' is Hot - ABC News

As for "in and out of bed" enjoy this laugh from cartoonist Donna Barstow: How Women Fantasize About Sex | Psychology Today

Why should men grant these 4 top wishes to women?

For men, the bonus is love. The world of love is an easily solved mystery of emotional giving which is best depicted for me in a quote from Dr. Leo Buscaglia, author of Love: "What love we've given we will have forever. What love we fail to give is lost for all eternity."  

Copyright 2012 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved / on Twitter


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